May Ling Su

I just bought new sheet music - James Taylor. It’s a guitar book, but I can make do with the chords. I just had Fire and Rain playing over and over in my head today after I learned that my dear friend and teacher, who happens to be a Jesuit priest, has passed on. So I’m sending him off with a smile and a song, as he’s always enjoyed when we were together.

“I’ve seen fire and
I’ve seen rain
I’ve seen sunny days
that I hoped would never end
I’ve seen lonely times
when I could not find a friend
But I always thought that I’d see you again…”
- James Taylor, Fire and Rain

I had a weird dream today. I am in a cab with my hunny and Max Hardcore. Max is buck naked. I am kissing him on his lips and Jay is sucking his cock. (Max and Jay would probably hate it, but what the hell… it’s my dream! =(^..^)=) We arrive at his house, so we let him off, and he’s pissing on the plants. The cabdriver has had enough and starts mouthing off about how disgusting we are. As we pull away, we overhear Max saying, “the cabdriver hit me and ran.” The cabbie then gets flustered, so I assure him I would stand as a witness to make sure the truth is known. Just get me and my hunny home. It is raining hard, and the cab seems to be having a hard time going up a steep hill. It then segues into me in a sailor schoolgirl uniform. I look down at myself, and I’m pixelated! I’m in some sort of a video game! I am on a log with square edges, surrounded by deep polluted water. The log rotates as I try to stay on it, inching my way to the stair steps on level ground. I land on my knees and, ew, the ground is gross from the pollution washing up. I get the feeling someone’s watching me, so I woke up with my kitty in my arms. Jay was watching me with a sweet smile. If he only knew what I had him doing in my dream…

Today I went to a lab to get my HIV screening test done. My phlebotomist was the gigantic Frankenstein’s monster. His lab coat must be an XXXL. I was really heady because I had been fasting for over 12 hours. (I didn’t need to, I was later told - d’uh!) Plus I wasn’t exactly looking forward to getting poked with a needle. Jay held my hand in the waiting room. I cringed when the lady before me came out with her bandage, whimpering about how many times she had to get stuck. Ouch! I had butterflies in my tummy.

The monster called my name with a voice that seemed to shake the white linoleum tiles right out of the ground. I took a deep breath and filled the air with nervous babble as I took my seat. I offered him my arm and looked away, focusing on a picture of dolphins underwater. He tied a rubber string on my arm, asked me to make a fist, and patted my arm lightly to find a vein. I can do this without fainting… I am strong… I am invincible… I repeated to myself. He rubbed the crook of my arm with alcohol, then asked me about the origins of my name. I brightened up upon hearing that he knew the Asian city that I was from. And right in the midst of me chattering about my homeland, I felt a slight pinch and it was all over.

“That’s it?” I asked joyfully. He nodded as he neatly put stickers on the vial that held my precious lifeblood. “Wow! Thanks for distracting me!” I said while pulling myself together to leave. He smiled, revealing yellowing teeth with distinct canine fangs.

I am exhausted from endless meetings for my (legit) business. Today I was surrounded by middle-aged asian businessmen interested in setting up a base in Asia. They are shrewd and sharp, but I think I have what it takes to “swim with the sharks.” At least none of them talked down to me. The internet has taught these old-fashioned businessmen not to underestimate young go-getters like me.

I have gotten some email asking me if I was “going pro.” It made me think about what I really want. My erotic websites are my way of letting out steam. It’s a labor of lust. =(^..^)= It keeps me from getting bored. The trouble with decadence is that I keep wanting to top myself. Three years ago, I began this site from a point of innocence. Everything Jay and I did was the first time I’ve ever explored these dark desires. As I become more experienced, it takes a lot more to shock me and get my adrenaline going. I enjoy the high of being so naughty! But after the high wears off, there is an emptiness. What next? How can I top what I just did?

Doing a porn shoot with Max Hardcore was something I did for my own thrill. I picked him out at the convention because his work excited me, it defied convention, and yes, it scared me. Since the Adult Expo I’ve gotten a lot of offers to shoot pro videos, but I hesitate because I don’t want this whole thing to stop being fun. I don’t enjoy just “going through the motions.” It’s all or nothing for me, baby! I just need to be wise about what I invest my energies on.

Andy Dunn’s newsletter came out today, discussing the subject “amateur or professional.” It’s really interesting, and I couldn’t help writing in my two cents worth. I’m copy-pasting it here for you:

(more…)

Max Hardcore’s reputation precedes him. I have watched some of his videos before, and been strangely aroused by this man who seems to treat his women like rag dolls. So when I saw him sitting at his booth at the Las Vegas Adult Expo, shivers ran down my spine. I had to come up and meet him.

He was surprisingly friendly and well-mannered. At my request he autographed his poster, featuring the cute Catalina! I was so touched I gave Max a great big kiss and asked him if I could be a Max Girl too. He smiled politely and said that they were not planning any shoot, but if I gave him a minute to call his crew, he would see what he could do for me.

Before long, we were shooting a prologue at the convention hall. Then after gathering my stuff, we headed back to his place to shoot the rest of the scene. I loved it! Max and his crew were the kindest pack of gentlemen I had met at the entire convention. Mr. Max is so professional that I felt safe in his hands even while he brutalized me! Oh, it was amazing what he did to me - things I had never EVER done before!

(more…)

I slept in till 3 in the afternoon. I was so exhausted after my first ever pro video shoot with Max Hardcore, but Jay and I stayed up for a couple more hours whispering and giggling under the sheets.

We showed up at the Adult Expo about half an hour before they closed. I was hoping to see Max and his crew again, and let them know I had a great time, but I guess they had already packed up for the day. On my way out of the convention hall, I caught a glimpse of DB (from Max’s crew) towering over the crowd so I ran up and tugged at his sleeve. “Max has been asking for you all day!” he said. He pulled me aside and lay his bags on the ground, and on his knees asked for my mobile phone number so we could connect tonight. One guy yelled, “Look, he’s proposing!” and ran up to congratulate us. What a nut!

I wanted to celebrate with my friends so I took Tony, Nina and Jay out to dinner. Then I met with Max and his party after the Adult Video Awards. “Do you know John Lee Hooker?” Max asked. I shook my head. “No?” he went down on his knees next to me and sang, “Come along with me baby…” I am so charmed… I haven’t stopped smiling since.

At the Expo I met Mika Tan who helped me get out of a real jam. You see, the security told me that I had to pop all my erosic balloons. They were concerned that they would float up and jam the air conditioning. They said to pop them NOW, not to walk, move, or anything - just pop them.

(more…)