Going Pro?
I am exhausted from endless meetings for my (legit) business. Today I was surrounded by middle-aged asian businessmen interested in setting up a base in Asia. They are shrewd and sharp, but I think I have what it takes to “swim with the sharks.” At least none of them talked down to me. The internet has taught these old-fashioned businessmen not to underestimate young go-getters like me.
I have gotten some email asking me if I was “going pro.” It made me think about what I really want. My erotic websites are my way of letting out steam. It’s a labor of lust. =(^..^)= It keeps me from getting bored. The trouble with decadence is that I keep wanting to top myself. Three years ago, I began this site from a point of innocence. Everything Jay and I did was the first time I’ve ever explored these dark desires. As I become more experienced, it takes a lot more to shock me and get my adrenaline going. I enjoy the high of being so naughty! But after the high wears off, there is an emptiness. What next? How can I top what I just did?
Doing a porn shoot with Max Hardcore was something I did for my own thrill. I picked him out at the convention because his work excited me, it defied convention, and yes, it scared me. Since the Adult Expo I’ve gotten a lot of offers to shoot pro videos, but I hesitate because I don’t want this whole thing to stop being fun. I don’t enjoy just “going through the motions.” It’s all or nothing for me, baby! I just need to be wise about what I invest my energies on.
