Angry Woman

I am shocked that my previous entry calling Women to Unite has drawn an angry email from a woman. Why can’t we women get along? Why must we always be so catty? Julie M Freeman wrote:

Why don’t you get off your narcissitic butt and help some of the families of the 3000 murdered on 9/11? That would be a lot more constructive than trying to make everybody think you’re real cool.

Hello, Julie. What makes you think I haven’t? I share my creative endeavors with the world, but have no need to broadcast any personal contributions that are not ENTERTAINMENT-ORIENTED. But since you asked, I do have a website that collects donations to the Red Cross at WorldTradeSyndrome.com – Unlike you I am a DO-er, not a COMPLAINER. But thanks for the feedback no matter how narrowminded and judgemental. Talk about being constructive.

Do you realize that because our President declared 9/11’s event an act of war, the WTC’s insurance does not cover any loss of life or injuries on the victims? Sad that 9/11 victims have been turned into a charity case just because of semantics, when they would have at least been compensated monetarily for their loss. Take up your issues with your congressman instead of an internet porn star like me.

By the way, where were you on 9/11? I was actually in NYC (on the most catastrophical vacation I’ve ever been on) watching it happen from my friend’s apartment window. While you quite possibly were safe and warm on your couch watching it on TV, I was breathing the glass dust, smokey body parts and lysol in the subway, and looking shocked New Yorkers in the eye. Pick a better topic to vent your hostilities on!

Here’s my photo at Ground Zero, taken on September 13, 2001 – I forgive your ignorance, but next time remember there is a PERSON on the receiving end of your posts.

Julie again: Be nice? How nice was your message? Not only are you a complete narcissist, but you see yourself as some Holier Than Thou being. Get a grip, honey: from the picture on your website the only DO-ing you do is MEN. I, on the other hand, am a veteran who served her country doing rescue for the US Coast Guard as an AT1. What have YOU ever done for your country? Why not find a new country from which to bash the US? You can take all the other dippy broads with you. Let’s see you post this on your website, it’ll be the only truthful thing on it.

Ah, Julie. I apologize for not being nice. Your post was so hostile, and still is, so I guess I reacted emotionally. Now I’m just sitting back, amused. I salute you for being on the Coast Guard. You seem like a militant type. But you really ought to enjoy yourself more. Your tone is so presumptive and accusative. I realize you’re just really interested in me and want to get to know me better. You don’t need to be so hostile to prove anything, you know.

So I’ll tell you more about myself, since you asked. I am a proud Filipina who as early as 10 years of age took to the streets of Manila against the oppressive dictator Ferdinand Marcos. We lived very close to the Congress House, and often as a child I would hear bullets raining on our roof. At twelve I was one of the thousands of Filipinos who formed a human shield against tanks around Corazon Aquino and Fidel Ramos, who chased the Marcoses out and restored democracy to our country. So I have done my share of defending my country. Now I am here in the US, enjoying the diversity and democracy, which includes the right to express my own opinions.

I won’t argue about my narcissism. I’m totally aware of my big ego. But it is this big ego that fuels my productivity. I am always proud to outlast everyone else as far as my capacity for clear directed work. And that includes “DO-ing MEN”, among many other things.

I plan on staying here in the US for a while. I feel this country offers me the most growth as a person, and the US seems to think I am an asset, otherwise they wouldn’t have granted me a green card. I travel a lot, so I get to express my opinions from everywhere in the world, not just the US. God, if all independent thinkers left the US, what a boring place this would be.

Yeah, I’ve outgrown the street protests. I’m more comfortable with the internet as my medium of expression and making love as my pastime. Street protests often get so hostile, it’s like an oxymoron… fighting for peace.

We all have different ways of expressing ourselves and responding to current events. No one has the right to impose their own ways on others. Live and let live. I didn’t force you to go to my website. But I thank you for expressing yourself. It’s just sad that you have to show the angry hostile side of you. I’m sure there’s a sexy compassionate side of you in there. Just let it out. You’ll enjoy it, I promise.

Yeah, MayLing. We’ve all had a hard life. My mother was killed when I was 11 and my dad abandoned us. I joined the Coast Guard to help take care of my teenage sister. But I always respected myself enough to know that I could use what was between my ears, not my legs. You seem like a smart girl. Don’t you ever ask yourself whether you were sent here to just to show your genetalia and then die? Life is a spiritual journey, not a physical one. You’ll never know true happiness until you admit that to yourself.

Hi, Julie. Thanks for writing again. I actually look forward to your email now. You bring up such thought-provoking questions.

You asked, “Don’t you ever ask yourself whether you were sent here to just to show your genetalia and then die?”

First, I don’t believe that “showing my genitalia” is all I do. Building a website takes skills that need to be sharpened everyday. The internet is changing very fast, and porn is at the forefront of all internet developments. So many times I have seen mainstream business sites applying concepts learned from porn sites. For instance, many news sites like the NY Times and Wall Street Journal sell memberships to read the articles. That’s a business framework that began with pornsites. Because of the tough restrictions on selling porn online nowadays, we have to be smarter about how we do it. So running my pornsites teaches me ways to apply these concepts to my non-adult sites. Yes I do have non-adult sites that generate more income for me, but my porn sites are indispensable in my life because of how much I learn from it and because it enriches my life.

My sites began when we got married (over 6 years ago). My husband and I found it very entertaining to play on camera and to share pictures with others online. We became very open to discussing our fantasies with one another, and making these fantasies come true. The excitement of sharing a “little secret” between the two of us still makes us very much in love with one another, even beyond the honeymoon stage. It really makes me feel sexy when instead of oogling porn or movie stars or other women, my husband is focusing on me.

Before I had my porn sites, I was an actress trying to make it in New York City. Often I felt so inadequate because I’m too short, or flat-chested, or just not a blonde bombshell. At that time, I even contemplated getting a boob job to advance my chances at being cast in shows. Now, through my sites and the attention I’m getting, I realized that I am beautiful just the way I am. I never thought a flatchested nerdy girl like me could be considered a sex symbol. My sites are really a testament to how being sexy is all in the mind.

Many porn models just show up for the shoot, they do what the director says, then they let the magazine publishers decide what is said about them. I, on the other hand, am in total control of my image. I write the text on all my websites, build the sites myself, and also help come up with ideas on photos and videos. That’s more than just showing my body off.

Porn is mostly run by men, mainly because the audience is mostly men. I know very few women who buy porn. If women see porn, it’s more than likely because it was already sitting around at home or brought home by their man. You for instance, I don’t think you’ve ever bought porn in your life.

I guess what I want is for my authentic voice to be heard free from censorship. It’s not enough for me anymore to just say lines memorized from a play someone else wrote. Sex is a very important part of my life. I think it’s important that women not just be seen, but also be heard on the subject of sex. I want to show sexy women depicted as REAL women, not just the blonde-out-of-a-bottle silicone bombshells that seem to be everywhere from mainstream TV to Hollywood porn. I’ve learned that my sexiness comes from my enthusiasm and my wild imagination, and that’s basically what I want to convey in my sites. Women don’t have to look like Marilyn Monroe or Halle Berry to be sexy.

So I want to thank you. It’s really important for me to hear what women have to say about my sites and about sex in general. I just have to pop your little girl bubble about life being a “spiritual journey, not a physical one.” What are you, a ghost? Life begins when we are born and ends when we die. What happens before birth and after death, no one knows what to call it. Being human is both a physical and a spiritual experience INTERTWINED. Separation of the body and spirit means death. Pursuing a purely spiritual existence means that you are denying one side of you that is integral to being human and alive.

Wake up! Our life here on earth is much too short to waste on a “spiritual journey” alone. We have a whole eternity to be spirits. Let’s enjoy the sensory world during its limited time, then we can have something to look back on when we’re floating around like gases. Let’s love one another, hold on to each other, feel how wonderfully warm someone else’s skin is against ours, smell the sweat and taste the cum. This is my true happiness: that I have found a man who loves me truly and fully for everything that I am; and that I can count on our love for the rest of my journey through life.

I have so much more to share with you, but I’ve gone on too long. Maybe you should tell me more about yourself next time. What kind of work do you do now? Are you single or attached? Have you ever been in love? What was it like?