Jenny called again today. She’s really happy, and is so excited about her baby. She said she wants her birth to be a big party, with all her friends in the way of everything. She wants Jay to videotape. Her happiness is infectious, and I’m choked up the whole time listening to her gush with the happy and focused hormones her body creates in pregnancy.

I can only imagine what it’s like for her to feel life within her growing. She has confronted her baby’s daddy (it’s NOT Jay!) and he’s welcome to be part of her family, but she’s not pressuring him to marry her. If the father has half a brain he would want in. Mother and child are their own little exclusive club… having a party on their own. I thought Jenny needed a child to give her life meaning. She needed to be a mom to clearly define her priorities. She’s so strong and brave, my little monkey girl. I envy her fun swinging ways. She’s so beautiful.

I am humbled. I’ve always been so self reliant, I’m able to entertain myself pretty well with goals and hobbies like a straight A+ schoolgirl. But my study in the art of love has made me too skilled in preventing an “accident” from ever happening. I am on the fence when it comes to being a mother. I love children, but I say there are so many things I want to do first. I guess I could never turn my back on a child if I was dumb enough to get knocked up blessed with one, but I don’t want a child bad enough to actively keep the penetration at the point of orgasm. I don’t know what I’m waiting for. Motherhood is beyond reason. There’s no overthinking it. It’s all instinct, and I’m just not feeling it yet.