May Ling Su

This is the first time I was ever disappointed about bleeding. For a little while there I was absolutely convinced I was with child. The spots of blood I found in my panties was a painful disappointment.

I haven’t given up yet. I still have time to conceive a monkey baby. I won’t give up. We’ll keep trying this coming month, and I am going to do my best. If I don’t bleed next month, you’ll know that I’ve become the happiest woman in the world.

My period is now in sync with the Full Moon, the complete opposite of when I used to sync my birth control pills so that I would bleed on the Dark Moon. It seems my body is more drawn to a Full Moon Flow. Poetically it makes sense that I would ovulate in the darkness of the New Moon, the way flowers bloom in the darkness of night.

I’m so happy right now!!! The day started out so beautiful. All this furniture re-arranging has created some great spaces in our home. This morning Jay and I discovered how awesome the morning light came into his office. Before we moved this deco daybed up there, it was all cluttered up with papers. Now it’s so airy and open.

Have you ever heard anyone say that if you want something in your life, you must make room for it? I want a monkey child! And now I am absolutely sure about it. In the beginning, I thought I just wanted to physically experience motherhood, for the sake of getting to, maybe because Jenny’s having a baby and I caught this “baby fever.” I doubted myself so much, thinking a child was not a necessity in my life, that it was impractical, that giving life would put one more individual through this increasingly fucked up world humans are creating.

Then I remembered a wedding gift Jay and I received from a friend, a Chinese American poet. It came in an ornate oval metal box with inlaid carved jade on the top. Inside is a coin, the front has images of four different sexual positions, and on the back four Chinese characters. I asked my Taiwanese friend what the Chinese characters meant. She told me that the secret to happiness is all the unnecessary things.

Sometimes we make the nastiest hardcore porn, and other times we just want to capture moments of love. These dreamy photos were taken tonight in our bedroom. I love how warm and golden and intimate these photos are.

The photo above is almost like a landscape to me. Our bodies form hills, roads, valleys… pathways from his bloodstream into mine. Our limbs are entwined like a puzzle… my hand grips his cock, his hand spreads my cunt for his mouth.

Jay is an accomplished cunnilingus master. I have never met anyone, male or female, who could suck pussy as well as he can. He takes pride in making me cum in his mouth, then smiles as I beg him to fuck me any way he pleases. I have several orgasms before he is ready to let loose. My biggest ones usually shake him into cumming along.

Lately I’ve been asking him to cum inside me. A roll of the dice for my monkey child. It only happens once in twelve years. And until today, I wasn’t too sure it was what I truly wanted. The day started rocky, Jay and I were at odds. He was nervous about my intentions, making me feel like a black widow spider ready to mate and decapitate. But in our bedroom, sitting there with the golden moon smiling at me, I realized that an active wish has its place in the cosmos. Either way I will have gained for trying.

This dish is a special Shrimp Stir Fry for Love-You long time.

If you have a rice cooker or steamer, set it to make rice. While it’s cooking, you can get started with the entree.

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