I only spent one day with Susan Shah. It was at the Porn Convention in Las Vegas over two years ago. I remember being struck by her femininity, how easily I slipped into giggling with her about men, the gentle touch of her hand when she pulled me into her room to whisper about girly things… clothes, sex, luxury.

I remember asking if she was planning to go all the way with transforming herself into a woman. She said that she liked her penis, and that she was more rare and special with it than without. I liked that. This certainty of what she wanted, who she wanted to be, was admirable to me. Her courage to be uncompromisingly herself inspired me.

So I am shocked beyond belief when I got news of her tragic death. She was an up and coming artist, and a strong voice in transgender issues. It seemed to me there was more she could have done in life, but that is not for me to decide or judge. Whatever her reasons, the turmoil or despair that may have prompted her, it is still all uncompromisingly her.

God giveth and taketh away. She has shown me the power of her god-ness – as creatrix of her own life and her own death. Susan Shah is her own alpha, omega and everything else in between.