May Ling Su

It’s all over now, so I can write about it. I’ve been feeling like crap the past two days. Getting ready to bleed usually drags me through hell. Migraines, gloom, bursts of anger followed by tears… you know, the monthly blues. For the first time in my whole experience as a mother I asked myself why I ever decided to become one. This is a big deal. Through pregnancy, birth and the first 18 months of raising the kidling, I was solid and unwavering in my regretless absorption of responsibility and devotion. Sure, I had post partum depression like every mother out there, but I was in total denial. I refused to accept it because I did not want to resign myself into this condition. I told myself this is what I want, what I begged Jay for, and what makes me happy.

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Sender: Tom Cooz
To: Jay and May
Date: May 22, 2006 2:25 PM PDT

I think that would be fucking AWESOME! I’ve always wanted to do porn, but I never had the opportunity! I’ll see where I can find a full day in my schedule, but hopefully in the next week, I’ll have one. I’ll give you a call in the next day or two, with my availability. Talk to you soon!

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The stylist tied my long hair in a braid and chopped off six inches. We’re donating it to Locks of Love, a charity that makes wigs for chemo victims. I’m not a supporter of the Western medical establishment’s slash, burn and poison technique of fighting cancer. I believe in more alternative approaches to cancer cure - herbals, biofrequency, chelation, to name a few. It’s really sad when people who suffer from cancer are not informed enough to know that there are other less invasive and more effective ways to beat the crabs. If I can hand someone my thick long hair to make her day a little brighter… then what the hell! Let’s do it.

I haven’t seen the footage yet from yesterday’s shoot, but as always after every shoot I critique myself and make a list of what I would do different next time:

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Tom Cooz came by today with his backpack of gadgets and enthusiasm. None of us had much sleep last night. I had just come back from the beach watching pelicans dive for lunch. They are large graceful dinosaurs and they came in numbers that made my heart stop. I was hungry. I steamed asparagus, cauliflower and corn to serve on the side of sauteed shrimp. Tom Cooz was apprehensive about the corn, since he’s from the Midwest and a corn snob.

It’s been almost two years since Jay and I’ve shot any porn. It was Tom Cooz’s first time (he’s only 19!). We were all kind of nervous, a little tentative. When I undressed him, his cock was still soft. I was a little worried. Some men fantasize about being in a porno for years, only to succumb to stage fright once the moment of truth arrives.

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Lately Jay and I have been camming at Adult Friend Finder. It’s been a while since we’ve had the time to do a cam show, but you know, it’s just like riding a bike. You can take the girl off the cam, but you just can’t take the cam off the girl.

I’ve tried several cam portals, and have had some fun on them, but after a while the drudgery of sitting around on cam waiting for a paying voyeur to clock in just stopped being worth it. Once in a while my viewer and I would have a leisurely and interesting chat. Mostly, time is money to these cats and they are in a hurry to jam as much eye candy into the measly minutes they’ve paid for. They get rude and impatient, unrealistic in their expectations: “Quick, suck his cock, then reach over behind and fuck your own ass with a toy, and twist over this way so I can see both things happening at once. Why aren’t you typing back to me? I’m a paying customer!”

Forget all that! Instead of trying to get paid to do a cam show, Jay and I have decided to fork over some dough and get an Adult Friend Finder account. It’s so much more fun to do a cam show when we get to do whatever we want, whenever we want, and however we want. No nagging expectations. Just pure enthusiastic exhibitionism. Adult Friend Finder is a gigantic network, and we instantly get several hundreds of voyeurs as soon as we log onto our cam. In the short time we’ve been on Adult Friend Finder, we’ve already earned quite a following. Our video introduction is number 1 on the list of the Hottest Video Introductions under the Couples category.

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I’m so bored with my mass of dark hair. I don’t have a hairstyle. I just have a wild thing growing on my head.

It looks good when I tie it into ponytails or braids or buns on the sides of my head…

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Jay and I have to be very careful. When my cunt gets creamy like the past few days, his cum gets thick and goopy, and we’re horny and humping like rabbits, we know our bodies are trying to trick us into another baby.

Not an option.

Motherhood is sweet, but I’m fine, thank you.

It’s up my ass and exploding on my face until this momentary fertility passes.