Email Tips: How to get laid in May’s world

Look what I got in my inbox, subject: I help you.

hey kumasta
im in newyork now with my husband,but if you wanna have fun with my boyfriend while im away its ok ,i help you to injoy the difrent from our boring husbands,im like you,but when i met this man on line i injoy alot of sex,he has big dick not like philipino . im now 3year with him and no one know ,he is so nice and gentelman. i give you his phone number and you call him if you want have sex,he is single and have nice apartment in fairfield.i let lot of my friend have sex with him and they injoy.even they have husband like me. his phone is..xxx xxx xxx,,bob i send you his dick picture.
thanks and have good time.
salamat po
jena

There were two pics attached, a dick pic and him dressed. Neither pics were more appealing than what I live with here at home.

Is this “Jena” a pimp, the only logical reason why a woman would take the time to write another woman, a stranger, about a man she wishes to share?

Or more possibly, was this email written by the boyfriend himself, “Bob,” in an attempt to orchestrate a situation in which I would get in touch with him, intrigued by the positive word from another woman, just like me? It never ceases to amaze me what stupid ideas men come up with just to get laid.

Guys, take note: this scam does not work.

First of all, women don’t like to share their men. We’re catty and we’re selfish bitches who want the world to revolve around our own cunts. No woman will believe another woman, especially a stranger, would encourage someone to have sex with her lover.

Second, because this email had no credibility, I immediately think this guy is stupid and a liar. True, women have slept with, even fallen in love with, stupid and lying men. But most of the time, stupid and liar only comes out after the sex. It does not bode well for stupid and liar to come out on a first impression.

Finally, when orchestrating an elaborate scam, do your homework. To present a photograph of a man so much less attractive than the man I have here at home at my disposal and then write, “i help you to injoy the difrent from our boring husbands” shows me the writer knows nothing about me and my nasty man.

Be honest, be funny, be friendly, and be super hot! That’s how you’ll get laid, at least in May’s world.

********

Here’s another email, not as stupid as the previous one, but it’s pretty close.

If you are REAL…, then please call me at xxx-xxx-xxx cuz I would love to be with you!
Im Here in San Francisco til July 25th.
Please dont email me back and play email tag, just call me!
My Hubby lets me play by myself and I am here alone so please join me and lets enjoy each other!
Hope to hear from you soon!
Thanks!
Jamela

I just love these “If you are REAL” emails. I honestly don’t care to convince people that I’m “real.” I know I’m real. That’s as existentialist as I’m going to get. And questioning my “realness” just annoys me, so I’m immediately put off and not interested in meeting her. I certainly won’t call someone just to convince her that I’m real. I don’t have time for that. I don’t think distrust is a promising beginning of a friendship or even just a short fling.

Just write me a straightforward email letting me know you’re intrigued by me, you’d love to meet me, ask me to call you. Keep it simple, keep it sweet. That’s how you’ll get laid, at least in May’s world.