A friend of mine asked for my help on an interview-based theater project she is working on. You may soon hear these words spoken by a hot young actress onstage all over the country. Here is the raw interview I sent her:

1. How did you first discover your vagina and what was that experience like?

One of the earliest memories I have of my vagina was when I was about 3 years old, squatted on the ground playing marbles. One of the boys I was playing with pointed out that my shorts had ripped and he could see my little “pekpek.” I ran away embarrassed. I don’t know if it was before this incident or after it that I became aware of “feelings down there” whenever I saw people kissing or being intimate.

2. Do you masturbate? Why or why not?

Hell yeah! Because I’m the only one who knows exactly how to satisfy myself. Because sometimes I don’t want to have to think about someone else’s satisfaction. Because masturbating is totally selfish and I deserve to be 100% selfish at least some of the time.

3. When did you first masturbate and what was that experience like?

At 12 years old, I used my Mom’s massager. At that time, I really thought it was a massager. The packaging said it was a massager. It was bulky and plugged into the wall. It wasn’t shaped like a penis. Now I know better. But at that time, I was just learning all this stuff. I had just found a stash of porno magazines in my parents’ closet. I had just started watching porno videos. I had started reading bestseller novels that had a lot of sex, drugs and rock and roll. I was also reading nonfiction how-to sex books.

Playing with my Mom’s vibrator felt really good. I held it up against my clit, no penetration. It felt warm and tingly but I felt guilty because I was raised Catholic and although at that time I had already realized I was agnostic, it was hard to shake that stubborn lingering guilt about masturbating and having “impure thoughts.” Later on I learned to use my hands, and I spent a lot of time in the bathroom because sharing a bedroom with my sister didn’t give me much private time. I still didn’t stick a finger in me at all. Just played with my clit. I was really hung up on this virginity thing.

4. Does/should masturbation always lead to orgasm?

Most of the time it does for me. Sometimes I get burnt out, like if I’ve been masturbating too much with a vibrating toy, then I just can’t get there. Or if I’ve got some nagging unsexy thing on my mind that really needs to be dealt with.

5. Do you fantasize during masturbation? If so, have you or would you be comfortable living out your fantasies in real life?

I think I fantasize more than I masturbate. Sometimes I just don’t have a free hand (ha ha) like when I’m out and about, or when I’m busy with my baby. I’ve never masturbated without fantasizing. I’m pretty lucky because at least half of my fantasies are really memories of what I’ve already lived out. The other half I would love to live out in real life, given the right circumstances. I don’t fantasize about anything I wouldn’t be willing to do in real life.

6. Do you own any masturbatory toys, such as a dildo? If so, at what age did you acquire your first toy?

Dildos, vibrators, porn… I never bought my own until I was in my mid-late 20s. I prefer vibrating toys for my clit. For penetration I want real warm flesh. Dildos are fun as an addition, but they don’t replace the real thing.

7. Do you find personal power in masturbation? If so, explain. What kind of power?

I feel powerful because I know I can satisfy my own self. I feel powerful because I’ve gotten over the sexual guilt imposed on me from growing up Catholic. I feel powerful because I can visualize fantasies that later turn someone else on when I share it with a lover or people who read my sex blog.

8. What feelings and emotions come up for you before masturbation? During? After?

I used to feel really guilty about it. Now I don’t at all. Before masturbation, I feel mischievous, like I’m sneaking a moment to myself I don’t want to share with anyone else. During masturbation, I feel dreamy in my fantasy world. After masturbation, I either feel sleepy or want to escalate the play with a lover.

9. Do you ever masturbate to get away from your feelings? Explain.

Rarely, but it has happened. It never works for me. I can’t have an orgasm when something else is on my mind other than pure fantasy play.

10. Have you ever spoken freely about masturbation (other than this interview)? Why or why not?

When I was 12 my bestfriend confided in me that she masturbated. I did too, but I couldn’t bring myself to admit it, even after she was brave enough to. I still feel bad about that. I had so many hangups back then. It’s crazy.

I’ve talked to Jay about masturbating because he’s my husband and closest lover. I’ve written two other people that I masturbate to the memory of when we were together, trying to turn them on from far away. I write about it on my sex blog, because because because because because… because of the wonderful things it does.