I am up way earlier than I want to. I admit I’ve been preoccupied lately. I wish I had more time in the day to touch base, type up a little update, take a photo or something.
I’ve always been ambivalent about my porn life. I love it. I hate it. I need it. I am burdened by it. I am ashamed of it. I am proud of it. One thing that is certain, it’s changed my life. It’s changed my perception of myself. It’s affected a lot of people’s perception of me. My friends, my family… It’s been a sifter for the real ones. I’ve repelled the ones I don’t need and kept the ones that matter. I think that’s important. So many people waste my time.
I get really introspective about my time around my birthday. What have I been doing with my time here on earth? I guess that’s the question that resonates in my head. Have I been using it well? Am I living it up authentically? Am I being true to myself? Am I good enough for me?
I’m first born in my family. I do tend to take myself too seriously sometimes. That’s why doing porn has liberated me. For once I’m the bad girl, the black sheep, the freak. I’ve always been the good girl. It sucks because even when I think I’m being bad, the good girl still shows up and does this. Writes something. Why can’t I just shut up and spread my legs, right? That’s what you came here to see anyway.
I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it to sound so bitter. I guess what I’m getting at is that I have such high expectations of myself. To be true to myself, to be excellent at what I do, to have integrity and be proud of what I’ve done and accomplished… and I find myself so ambivalent about my porn.
I talked to Jenny on the phone the other day, and she asked, “Do you still do that?” That, meaning porn. I said, “I don’t really have the time anymore, but I still keep my blog going.” It’s strange because I felt like I was downplaying the importance of my porn life, why, because I felt like it’s wrong for me to want to be more than just a mother.
I love being a mom. I am the most devoted mother I know, second only to my grandmother. Even my mom, who hired maids to help raise me, is not as devoted as I am. My baby and I are together 24/7.
But I am more than just a mother. I am who I am. I am a woman. I am an artist. I am a sexual creature. And I need you. I need your attention and worship. Everyone wants to feel sexy and desired. I want a virtual orgy, and I want you to join me.
We’re always willing to join you in a virtual orgy.
But one thing…no shutting your mouth and spreading your legs. We come here for your words as well as your dirty pics. Always better to be virtual friends and lovers.
Yes-I admit it-I came here to look at the photos. But now I also come to read about what you are thinking, and what is going on in your life. I enjoy this blog very much, and find it quite interesting.
If I just wanted the “Shut up and spread her legs.” girl. There are other sites for that. I cum here becuse it entertans my mind as well as my dick. just keep doing what you are doing. Don’t let the porn become just a job. keep it fun for yourself and that will keep fun for us. It not that you are a hot and sexy dirty girl who loves it up the ass that is most appealing it’s. It the fact that you are a singer, song writer, artist, loving wife and mother that loves it up the ass that is most appealing.
May Ling,
Your porn is hot – although I’m typically not a voyer – but I have recently started viewing your site because it is so empowering! As a woman who has always been “the good girl,” it’s nice to see someone living out my fantasies! Makes me realize that you can want it all without being a “friek.”
Love your blogs – food for the sexual soul!
Love your porn – empowering, entertaining, and sometimes educational!
Keep it up
Hey May ,
Be a Mom , be a Mermaid , be a Wife , be a Slut , be a Chef …..it is all you , and all good !!! 
MM
Nothing can compare with the parent/child bond , especially for a Mother . My Son was born at home , with a Midwife , and it was the most sacred , divine experience I have ever been part of . But , with that being said , all the other parts of you are just as important , when it comes to you being who you are , fully . That is what we are here for , IMHO . To integrate , accept , and balance all the many aspects that make us up . I was raised in a very religous family , and was burdened with guilt about my sexuality for years , until I realised it was just as sacred as anything else ! Divinely inspired and created , the animal lust aspect of me is just as important and divine as the part that wants to sit and meditate under a tree . Anyway….sorry , I can ramble on , eh ?
Life is so terribly short, and there are no sequels. Despite what the preachers spit out from their man-made books, there’s no after-party once the curtains go down. That’s the end of the show. That’s tough for some people to accept, but it’s the truth…the sooner we accept the truth, the sooner we embrace the reality of how precious and fragile life is.
You have to be true to yourself and do what you feel is right, or else someday you might realize how much you’ve missed out on some truly great things that you’ll never get a chance to do ever again.
Indeed you are now a mother and therefore your life is no longer solely your own—it belongs just as much to your child—but that does not mean that you have to completely compromise your principles and your passions.
Motherhood will change your life—as it will someday change my wife’s and my own once we have one in a year or two down the road—but what’s wrong with that, really? Just because some things change doesn’t mean that everything else has to change.
Always appreciate where you are going in life, and always remember how far you’ve come to where you are now. . .and always be true to yourself.
After all, there are no second chances.