My wife and I have never slept with anyone else, even before we got together. She was my first and I was hers. However, we are planning to try threesomes, couple swapping, etc. in the very near future. You and your husband have experience in this area, so I was hoping you might have some suggestions on what first steps we should take. She and I are thinking that couple swapping would be the best way to start as she and I would be engaging in intercourse with different people at the same time, but I am still not certain if this is the best way to start. I don’t mind FFM or MMF, both are fine with me, but is even that the best way to commence…? She has a jealous streak, though it has improved dramatically, but I am still concerned that may be a problem. How did you deal with this (if you had to)? I would immensely appreciate any advice you could offer.

I don’t consider Jay and myself as real “players” at the swinging game, so I hesitate giving you advice. If anything I must say we’ve bumbled through many of our experiences. Sometimes we go into an experience thinking it would be fun, and learning afterward that it’s not what we wanted at all.

I guess the key word is “learning.” Everybody’s different, everyone approaches group play with different expectations. Most of the time there is no way to know until you’re there. Jay and I spend a lot of time talking about our desires prior to meeting people, and also talking about the experience afterward. What we liked, what we didn’t like. It helps us get to know ourselves and each other better.

Coming from a woman who gets jealous every now and then, I must say that the cure for jealousy is security. Assure each other that no matter what happens, you will stay together and love each other forever. Involve her in all aspects of decision-making and planning on who to play with, where, when, etc. Keep communication lines open. Mistress Matisse wrote some examples of “rules” you may want to have between you. From my experience, rules tend to shift as time goes by. You may want to re-examine previously agreed upon rules after every experience.

It’s best not to be so hung up on what sort of group combinations you would like to do first. Make some friends and decide based on who you are most comfortable with.

Have a great time!
May