Having a dog companion has opened me up to life in the outdoors. There’s socializing on the beach with other dogs and people. And then there’s the night walk.

Whenever I walk out the door with my dog, I become as alert and jumpy as he is. At night, deer come to our neighborhood. There are apple trees heavy with fruit, and many hang at the deer’s height. I saw a buck one night, with majestic antlers, stop and stare at me. My dog did not have a view of him, and for what seemed like forever, the buck and I stood silently not moving.

Tonight I saw a doe munching on foliage. My dog made a skirmish, and the doe fled quickly into the thicket. I walked my dog, determined not to go home until he had relieved his bladder, but he was too excited, sniffing alertly for the deer. He made his way toward the direction the deer went in, and I found myself almost face to face with the doe still hiding in the thicket, a mere five feet between us.

When she twitched her ears, I jumped. I ran backward, she ran the other direction, I couldn’t take my eyes off her. My dog tugged against me rolling his R’s. I started to cry.

I still couldn’t come home without my dog having gone pee. I kept walking him, tears flowing openly in the night. Something wild is awake in me. I am shaken out of my tidy routines and safe little home. The world is so big and maybe I am a little bit brave, a little bit scared, a little bit lost and a little bit searching for something in me that is out there in the wild uncertain night.