Hey, it’s Jay. It’s been a difficult month getting back into the “swing” of things. After a year in Maine visiting family, getting back to our California lifestyle has it’s ups and downs. Over the past year, May continued to stay in touch with Tom and Sam, two guys that used to join us for MFM sex. It is our biggest turn on, both May and I to team up with another guy, and give it to May from all ends at once. We used to have the luxury of playing when and where we wanted, but now that we are parents, finding any “us” time is difficult. Lounging around naked during mid day, making love, shooting porn… well… those days are over for now. Usually 10PM is when we finally have time for each other, and we are both usually a bit tired, and ready to crash by then, so finding time when we are full of energy is even more difficult.

Tom and Sam were excited to hear that we have returned to the bay area, and Sam phoned one afternoon and asked to visit. May said, come on over, and he did. We all hung out upstairs just talking, playing with our wee one, and catching up. May took Sam off to show him the house, while I watched our kid.

In the past I have told May that it turns me on for her to do whatever she wants in life, so she took Sam downstairs and the two of them had a little quickie. It’s pretty sexy, May blogged about it. The two of us had never played alone with another lover ever before. We had always been in the same room when we fooled around with others.

Her and Sam running off while I baby sit gave me a whole gamut of emotions. First, I was turned on. I remember sitting there playing with my kid, thinking, it sure is taking a long time to show Sam the downstairs rooms… and I began to get anxious. I don’t want to be a baby sitting cuckold. But I was still aroused by thinking of my wife, just downstairs, was sucking Sam’s cock, getting bent over the desk and fucked, then fed a thick mouth full of cum. I was overwhelmed. I haven’t had any side action for over a year, and now she’s getting some without me? I felt left behind. I felt like she had forgotten that these boys are just an extension of our sex together. To go off alone with them, teaches them I’m not needed. I suddenly get this sinking feeling that I’m not needed any more. I’ve been reduced, over time, to having very little function in my wife’s life. All day she is a busy mother. Now if she doesn’t need me for sex… since all I can provide is late night over tired sex… I can’t even give her mid-day sex… I feel helpless, and I begin to panic.

May is all giddy and happy. I really don’t want to bring her down. My whole goal is to have the happiest wife on earth. But to what price? I had to come up with a solution. I told her that my feelings were hurt, but that I was also turned on. I know from reading de Sade, that if one finds something so outrageous, it might make sense to do it often enough until it becomes mundane, or routine. Take some of its power away, in order to empower ourselves. My idea was if she went off with other men, and would take detailed photos or better yet, video, then I could in a way, be there. Later on May and I could look at the footage, get turned on, and use it to our advantage and arousal.

So a couple days later Tom calls, wants to drop by in the afternoon to say “Welcome back”. I stay with the little one, while May and Tom go to the beach to “walk the dog”. When May got back, she had one photo of Tom’s huge cock in her mouth, but something was still wrong. May seemed uncomfortable, and wasn’t telling me what went on well. It was as if she was embarrassed to go into details. Her holding back on me bummed me out again. I just want to be part of the turn on, even remotely… but there was a glitch in our system.

Days passed, and I became more and more frustrated. I started to feel cheated, because May didn’t come up with a creative way to make it all a turn on for us. I just wanted to play games of arousal and talk. I wanted her to take me to the exact spot, and tell me what happened, and act it out with me. I explained that, but she still seemed uncomfortable. I became very sad, rather angry, and didn’t feel that I was getting anything in return for all efforts put out. I mean, I’m baby sitting while my wife has sex with hot young men. Something has gotta come my way, or I feel taken for granted. All I want is some fun time with my wife, but what’s going wrong?

Then the weekend comes, and the grandparents have the wee one for the first time since we moved back to California. The last time we had a baby sitter was over a year ago. Saturday and night was ours. We had a plan to meet a fella named Rick at 7PM. We decided to go out to eat, and be home in time to meet Rick. We went out, and proceeded to both get food poisoning. We spent the night in separate bathrooms, and went to bed early holding our tummies. So much for our only free evening.

So the fates are against me. I look at May and say, “what the hell, is there some kind of hippie retrograde crap going on?” – she looks it up and indeed Mercury was in retrograde. Everything was going wrong that week on top of it all. Our bank account was hacked and emptied. May was on the phone trying to fix that issue, which took 2 weeks to get our money returned. We were stressed out, and had no time to play or satisfy this growing desire for one another. After desire goes cold, it turns to frustration. The same enthusiasm and excitement I had going in a few weeks ago, has turned me into an uptight, paranoid freak. We are not communicating well, and I begin to avoid it all, keeping my distance. I feel short tempered, and if I get around May, I feel angry, so I just stay away trying to think it all through.

A few days later, May tells me that Sam wants to visit after 10PM, so we could all spend time together. I agree, hoping that it would just ease up the tension between us. Sam shows up, and we all have a wonderful evening together. I do admit that I had a hard time getting it up. I felt like I was coming into the situation a little damaged. A little lost inside my head, and not able to just let loose. It was fun, but I wish I didn’t have all the baggage with me, or it would have been better for me. Nothing worse than not being able to get it up at an orgy. Embarrassing.

After Sam and May get into it, their sounds and passion begin to turn me on so that I can join in, and between the two of us, we pretty much do everything possible between 2 guys and a gal.

The video is called Hot Wife, because Sam was telling us that he was reading about all these married couples who share their hot wife with other men. It turns out, that all three of us share the same MFM fantasy. So that’s the background story of the video Hot Wife. It’s not always easy, but we learn a lot about ourselves.

I learned that it’s very difficult for me when she has sex with other men alone. I get jealous. I think if I had more going on in my life I would be more OK, but since I tend to pine away for 10PM each day… I just feel like all I do is wait, and if I’m giving free time with my wife to another man, I get jealous feelings that can only be taken care of with lots of attention coming back to me. If May seems shy, and secretive, I just get sad.