In Search Of Collaborators

Do we control our deepest inner urges? Why does one thing turn us on, and another not turn us on, or even turn us off… What makes us who we are? I have read about studies on humans, that if you tell a complete stranger to observe another human for a day, when interviewed, often the stranger knows more about the motivation of the observed person more than the person does. Humans don’t really know why they do what they do. For the most part we are a sum of childhood experiences, adolescent experiences and adult experiences. Our brains are very different at each stage. It’s almost like they are completely different people. Fact is every cell in our body replaces itself once every seven years. Seven years ago, you were not the same person you are now. Happy birthday.

My entire life I have yearned. I’m a yearner. I feel like I’m supposed to be living a very rich decadent life style full of pleasure, sex, comraderie, excitement, travel, creativity, so I aspire to meet up with that feeling. I need to find my little place under the sun to be happy. So here I am on my journey. Taking it one step at a time, but always wanting more, because there is more to be had. I’ll know it when I get there, but for now it’s the journey I’m excited about. Having fun along the way is part of the plan for me, and a relaxed sexy life is what I want, not a frenzied battle to the top, so I’m in no hurry “to get there”.

What I want, my goal, seems to be more of a feeling than a tangible, explainable object. I want life to feel good. Calm but exciting, protected, inspired. I want light to come through a stained glass window, and fill the space with an illuminated glow. That’s how I want life to feel. Ethereal. I find that fun sexy times are like that. Lazy, rolling around in sheets, curtains blowing with a soft summer breeze, shifting the quality of light in the room. It keeps coming down to the lighting… certain spaces, and their quality of light hits my heart. Hits my soul like love. Dark churches with stained glass can make me feel that way. Rooms with long curtains shifting so the light shifts with it… I find that the closest way to explain how I want to feel. With any luck, that’s what heaven is like for me.

I believe that we are put here on earth as a test. We are supposed to enjoy ourselves here, and spread joy. That is our only task. Embrace and love the short life given to us. Find our joy, follow it and prosper. It is quite a test to follow your bliss. It’s the greatest test of all. Living life fully.

But back to my original point: Do we control our deepest inner urges? We have to explore, and gain experience to unearth who we are to ourselves. We do not know who we are, because every different place, every different situation redefines who we are, over and over. In the past 10 years I have been able to succeed enough to have every day free. Trust me, I’m always working, thinking etc, but all my time is free, because I decide. I love that. However free time is not always time well spent. It can become empty time. Lonely time. Sad time. Time can become anything. I had to learn that I had to be smart about what I’m doing with my newly acquired time, and to use my time better. I am still trying to do this. I find myself spinning my wheels a bit, because I really didn’t have a plan beyond getting away from punching in at a job I hated for 7 years. It took me over 6 years to create, automate, and shop out my business ideas until I was not part of anything that is day to day (until something goes wrong, then I have to work). I never had a complete plan of what to do with my time, and now I have a surplus of the most valuable item in the universe: time. I do intend to work out a few more new business ideas, but it’s going slower than I really want, and I think it’s because I need help.

I don’t like to pressure my ideas too much or they get shy. They’ll come at the right time. Way back when I was building “my empire” I thought once I succeeded my goal of separating myself from the day to day function of my business, I’d spend most of my days playing with May, holding hands, running through fields of daisies. But May’s a busy momma now. She’s not even here in this giant empty house. I see her at lunch and after 10PM most days. I’m in a strange situation. I have followed every intuitive feeling I’ve had in life, and to look at the achievements, one would be amazed, however the pursuit for balance and happiness are still going on stronger than ever, because I still haven’t gained it. I feel like I’m just starting over, and I guess I am.

The best solution so far for me is to just dive in and continue to be a creative artist. I’ve been very busy making sexy videos with May, recording May’s strip karaoke music, music videos, flash animation, the super spy chick movie, all these things come from my spare time. I stay creative and busy, but I still yearn for the next step. What to do with it all… I’m just an artist in my house, and my only exposure is this blog. We need to collaborate to get bigger.

Anyone out there with any skills that would like to collaborate? You guys know us pretty well, we’ve been right here for over a decade sharing everything we do. We have assets and ideas I need help with. I cannot do it alone. May and I have a ton of DV XXX videos all in DVD-R format with menus, never released, a couple book ideas we’ve already started, lots of creative sexy projects, and we need an agent most of all. A person that will in one way or another see possibilities in our various media, and for a percentage, help all these projects live a fruitful life. We need someone connected. We create media, videos, photos, content, ideas, niches, and surprises a plenty, just the two of us, but we know with a machine behind us, it could be much more than it is. Are you out there? Finding you is part of my life’s test right now, so I’m using every vehicle under my control to do so. We need someone that would want to replicate and distribute our XXX DVDs, we need a publisher that would like to publish the sexy photo story of May Ling Su, and lots of other side projects too numerous to list now. Comment below if you have any ideas.

- Jay