One of the perks of my sex blog is being acquainted with people who really care about the quality of their relationships and sex lives. I get a lot of requests for advice regarding relationships and sex, and it gives me the sense that you, my readers, really nurture intimacy in your relationships. Thank you for your confidence. I am honored.

Here is an email I received asking about sex during pregnancy. Do leave a comment if you have something to add to my advice, or if you want to ask a follow up question.

E wrote:

My wife is 14 weeks preggo now and our sex life has taken a massive faceplant over the last 5 weeks or so. We used to have sex a minimum twice a day on weekdays and 3-4 on weekends, but now I’m lucky if we can get intimate once or twice a week.

The underlying problem is not mental or emotional (she still has a strong desire), but rather physical…she gets bad acid reflux and indigestion on a near-constant basis, and it’s brought her sex drive down with every week. The vaginal sex has also been a bit uncomfortable as well…she still gets nice and wet but the vaginal canal feels awkward when I’m inside (for a lack of better words) and it doesn’t feel that good for either of us. We’ve been doing more anal (yay!) as a result, but since we only have sex once or twice a week it’s affected my ability to hold it in and I end up ejaculating in less than 5 minutes. It hasn’t been all that satisfying these last several weeks.

She doesn’t feel unattractive and for the most part she’s in a good mood, and I give her unconditional love and support and I haven’t missed an ultrasound or doctor’s appointment, and I’ve been reading several large pregnancy books to help us stay informed on everything. . . I haven’t spoken to her about how I feel about the lack of sex because I don’t want to appear selfish and I don’t want to upset her or make her feel like it’s her fault, because it’s clearly not at all and I don’t blame her.

The sudden massive backtrack in sex has really taken me for a spin, though… I’ve been jacking off a storm that I haven’t done since I was in high school, but it’s only a band-aid solution and I really miss our intimacy. I’m trying not to let it show but it’s driving me crazy inside.

Any advice or insight that you or Jay could share?

I’m trying to remember how often Jay and I had sex when I was pregnant, and I think it’s about the same as yours. 2 to 3 times a week sounds like how it was for us too, which like you, was a lot less than before we were pregnant. Believe me, once the baby comes out, it will be even less than that.

I totally understand. My first trimester I slept a lot, my second trimester it was acid reflux and indigestion, my third trimester it was sciatica. Despite all that, I really craved intimacy and wanted to spend time with Jay.

Some more ideas beyond vaginal and anal sex: oral sex and mutual masturbation. I would masturbate his cock between my breasts, which was novelty for me since I was sporting Mom boobs. Jay played with my vagina a lot, stretched it out with his fingers and I think it prepared me for childbirth.

Let me know how it goes.

Take care, both of you! Get lots of sleep and sex.