My first exposure to adult erotica and porn was when, as a girl of 15, I discovered some video tapes my parents had hidden in their closet. Another girl, about my age, and I watched the videos in awe. It didn’t all come together in my head then. It made us both giggle so much that our 18-year old maid discovered our little secret. But instead of telling on us, she simply sat down and watched with us.

A young lady just coming of age, she had questions of her own. She watched “1001 Fantasies” with curiosity. Although the setting may be perfect for your three-way lesbian fantasy, we gals just turned it off, put it away, and never made much of it. In the L.A. porno version of my life we’d all have ended up munching each others’ rugs, but in real life it didn’t happen. A seed was planted nonetheless. My curiosity with sex, and not just sex, but photos and videos of sex had begun.

I moved from the Philippines to New York City when I was 21 to ‘become a star’. I earned my degree in communications, performed on TV, in theater and music. I knew Manhattan was a town where I could get absorbed in the performing arts, and meet many others with similar interests.

I loved the New York experimental off-Broadway theaters, and was landing roles in live performances. I realized there were few parts for Asian girls in American Theater. I had to often play a prostitute, an abused woman, or a victim of cruelty and discrimination. There were very few roles for an empowered woman given to women of color. Although I love to act, I started to grow tired of the typecasting, and feeling that I was playing the same character over and over. I wanted to perform, and I wanted the goddess inside me to feel celebrated.

I consider myself a very strong person. I have never felt like anyone was holding me back. In fact, I have almost always gotten what I want. Roles of women complaining about the evil world of man, or radical feminist messages never felt sincere coming from me. I wanted to perform my own words, to act out who I was inside. I was a free, sexy, powerful woman, able to breathe life and create a universe of possibilities all around me. But how do I express all this, I wondered?

Amateur Pornography

One day my boyfriend asked me to model for him. Jay wanted to take nude photos of me. He thought my look and body were perfect for his project. He dressed me all up in a cute little outfit, rain coat, and umbrella. We went outside so that he could take pictures of me walking around in the rain. Then in little secret places he would have me peek-a-boo my skirt up and flash the camera.

The photo shoot was naughtier than I expected. Initially I thought we’d be shooting art nudes, but this… was sexy! Nudes are usually in a controlled environment, and very much about light and form. This was raunchier, with a narrative, like a school girl walking home in the rain, teasing the onlookers along the way. I had discovered something new. I was performing, conveying looks of surprise, innocence, naughtiness…

I told Jay that I loved being his model, and that we should do more. We were both a little nervous the first time we had to pick up photos from the film developers, knowing that the guys at the lab probably made copies for their own private entertainment.

When digital cameras became available, we bought our first digital camera so that our photo sessions would not be subject to developing. Now that we could take pictures without the worry of what the developers thought, we got wilder and wilder. I started to feel so sure of myself. I loved the attention, and when I would see shots of my nude body, images of me sucking cock, or getting fucked, I would feel even more excited.

My photographer and I became so intimate during these sessions. I enjoyed watching him flex his body so that he could take interesting angles while plowing his rock hard erection into my body. Our level of communication heightened. We dared to tell one another what we desired and what turned us on. Our sex got nastier. We felt like “partners in crime” and everywhere we went was another chance at some unexpected sexy escapade.

Anal Sex

One early morning Jay was going down on me. (What a wonderful way to start the day!) He was tonguing deep into my pussy, getting me all wet and slippery. Just as my orgasm started, he carefully wiggled a finger into my ass. The wetness from his saliva made the finger slip deeply all the way into me. My orgasm shot through my entire body.

He sat up, pushing my legs into the air over my head. He stroked his hard cock in his hand, and pushed the tip against the lubed up entrance to my tight virgin ass. I recoiled. I had never had anal sex, never even thought about it for myself. I thought only gay guys did that sort of thing. He told me that he wanted to make love with me every way possible between a man and a woman.

When he put it like that, how could I resist? The next thing I knew, he was balls deep in my ass, and he was loving it. My pouting empty pussy dripped wet while he hammered at my sensitive anus. He pushed in deep, and came inside me, filling my colon with hot semen that would drip out gradually the rest of the day.

It was strange, and a bit uncomfortable, but Jay seemed to love the raunchy sex so much, it turned me on to please him so. Not to mention, the pics were intense. I couldn’t stop looking at them!

The semen slowly dripping out of my ass burned a little, so I told him it was ok to fuck my ass, just not to cum in my asshole any more. After that, getting ass fucked became a lot more enjoyable, and since I did not have any burning sensation afterward, we could do it a lot more often.

Web Mistress

With the ease of using digital cameras, the photos piled up quickly. We had quite a collection fast, and they looked really good to us both. That’s when Jay asked if we could put the pics up on a web site.

I was not sure what to say. I was nervous. I agreed that the work we did together was beautiful, but those are pictures of me going out there. It’s funny that we initially went digital so that we could maintain a certain amount of privacy. Since we did not have to face the developer guy, we could shoot anything we wanted without inhibitions. Now here we were deciding whether or not to make the photos public for the world to see.

We started out on AOL chat rooms trading jpegs with other girls, and guys pretending to be girls. It was fun. Sometimes we would make friends and meet up, but most of the time we’d just swap naughty photos. I received such positive response from my images that I became more and more secure with the idea of having them all on a site.

We got set up on a little free host, and voila! I was an amateur porn star. I was still a young woman with a job, family, and home life, but I was now an online personality.

The site became popular fast. I had always been reserved about my looks because I am so petite. I guess I always felt one had to be a blonde bombshell to get attention. I had no idea there was such a huge audience for my body type. With small breasts and weighing under 100 pounds, I discovered that I was beautiful.

One would think that this sort of thing would attract a bunch of losers and sleazy guys, but the strange thing is, I receive mostly well-written emails from men and women all over the world. Many of the people I met early on are still in contact with me today. I would never have guessed that I would attract so much positive reinforcement. They noticed that my site was a work of love. They knew that my site was rare and unique, that I made it myself, and that it was the honest voice of a young lady coming of age, learning about life, and its many mysteries.

My First Sex Video

The positive response to my early web site gave me the confidence to experiment further. Jay and I were showing our other room mate Mitch some of the photos we had taken, and then showed him the web site. He was so surprised that we, two mild mannered folk living under the same roof as he, were actually up to something a little wild and naughty. He was obviously turned on, and took us sharing our secret with him really well. He leaned right over and whispered, “Let’s make a porno you guys!” I looked at Jay, and he at me. We all got a little nervous. Mitch goes, “You guys have a video camera right? Let’s shoot a porno!”

I had never been with two men at the same time before. I only have a few lovers in my whole life. To have two horny men, guys I know, love, and trust, ready to sweep me away to their room made me all dizzy and giddy. I was suddenly surrounded by cock, camcorder rolling at the side of the bed, with two men feeding me their hard-ons.

For some reason I get dirty when I know the camera’s on. It’s like, performer’s instinct, I know we have to put on a show or something. Next thing I know I’m climbing on top of one boy riding his cock in my pussy, while another climbs up on top entering my tight anus at the same time. Here I was videotaping my first home-made porno, starting where many porn stars end, with double penetration.

The two guys aroused by the intensity seemed to hump me from both sides forever, delirious from their cocks gliding together inside my body separated only by the thin wall of flesh between my pussy and ass. For the first time I was truly enjoying being ass fucked. It made me cum over and over and over like nothing else ever could.

If I had not been a porn star before this, I had now completed the initiation. This footage, which became my first video release titled Combo, is still to this day some of the steamiest sex I have ever recorded. I guess you just can’t beat the first time.

Art Or Porn? Manifesto

Now it was starting to all come together. I realized that my web site would be like a diary, a journal of a girl’s coming of age. I could take my audience on a trip and they could watch me experience life and its many mysteries. I could voice my opinion on what it means to be a woman, an artist, a free being, a sexual creature… I could explore as much of myself as I wanted, and invite viewers in to see for themselves.

My photo/video sessions with Jay were great for our sex life. We have been together for several years, and because we have our “little secret,” we maintain an excitement level in our relationship. It adds a fun seedy level to our sex life.

Everywhere we went we could bring our little digital camera. When no one was looking I would flash the camera and get a deliciously yummy shot that would later turn us on until we’re humping on the floor like crazy people. This, and the positive response from fans, made me more and more secure with my body, and who I was inside.

My site evolved into all aspects of me, not just sex. I began to write about philosophy, politics, life, and the world. Sex is a big part of my life, so my site has a lot of sexy photos and stories, but my fans also appreciated my writing.

I remember Jay saying that the only art he likes is the stuff the art world turns up its nose at. Most of the legitimate art world is so serious and uptight. We were both sick of boring crap in all the galleries and theaters. He said he gets more inspiration from porn, comedy, and cartoons than anything else. These three media forms are usually not considered art, and more than likely are not part of some pretentious scene, but they affect people so directly and the response, whether it’s laughter, bewilderment, or arousal, is immediate and honest.

Life in its simplest essence is only three things: birth, death and sex. Birth and death I have no control over… I was born, I will die. But sex… is infinitely more interesting because it is both the spark of creation and le petit mort. My websites set the stage for exploring my body, confronting my deepest desires, poking a little fun at the world, and learning about life and myself.

Arty porn or smutty art? You decide.