I am what I eat.

I tell people I’m a vegetarian but that’s somewhat of a lie. It’s true that I generally don’t like the taste of meat. Especially lamb because it tastes sweaty. I’m not one of those vegetarians who eat fake meat. Seriously, if your body craves the taste of meat, feed it meat. Your body is trying to tell you something. Listen and respond. Knock knock! Who’s there? Your true nature.

I’m honestly drawn to fruit, vegetables, and grain. You could say I’m a natural vegetarian. Oh, and dairy. I love dairy. I love cheese, ice cream, yogurt, ice cream. I guess I’m a lacto-vegetarian then. Ooh, eggs. I love all kinds of eggs. Chicken, duck, quail. Put me down as a lacto-ovo-vegetarian. Well, it’s true, I do occasionally eat seafood. No self-respecting mermaid/island girl would go without seafood. You could call me a lacto-ovo-pesce-vegetarian, if you want to be technical about it.

All right, all right, once in a while I eat meat. Like that time I was invited to dinner and our hostess was serving moose meat. I couldn’t pass that up because I have to try everything at least once in my life. (It was so tender and delicious!) And okay, I admit that since I live with a couple of meat eaters, I eat meat every time I’m too hungry and too lazy to cook a vegetarian meal just for myself.

Forget it. I’m not a vegetarian. I’m a liar.

 

Did you take a good look at that Snapchat video above? Go ahead and play it again. And think! It’s time for the Caption This Contest. Win a week-long MAYCAM password from September 19 to 25 if you think up the most fitting caption for this Snapchat. Post your entries before Tuesday, September 19. Adult participants only.

Cheers!
May Ling Su

America the Brave and the Free

America the Brave and the Free First Amendment Freedom of Speech

I remember the day I became an American. I stood with a group of strangers from all walks of life and over the world. Together, we each raised our right hand and recited the Oath of Allegiance. I found myself holding back tears and swallowing down a lump in my throat as we collectively sang the Star Spangled Banner. Our journeys thus far and our dreams of the future shone in our eyes. This is the promised land for the brave and the free.

While watching fireworks last night I thought about that song again. I thought about that flag that “was still there” despite the rockets and the bombs. Quite possibly that flag was singed, torn, tattered with holes, but it endured. And strangely enough that ratty old flag inspires me to keep going when the going gets tough.

Reaching for the American Dream isn’t easy. No one hands it out on a silver platter, especially not to a woman of color. I’ve had to compromise myself. I have battle scars. I’m damaged goods. But everyday I get up even when I feel like it would be easier to crawl into a hole and die.

Freedom is risky. It’s safer to go along with the herd, keep your head down, do what’s expected of you. Freedom of speech means speaking up when there is injustice. Freedom of expression means being open to criticism, opposition, and shaming. Freedom requires courage.

Dare to be free, my little munchkins. You can come out now.

Love, Lust, & Liberty,
May Ling Su

I’ve been to hell and back.

Seriously. I’ve never been sicker than this past week. I woke up on Palm Sunday with a fever so high I hurt to touch. Ask my man. He’s the one who told me I hurt to touch. I was so sick I never got out of my nightclothes, just kept layering a couple more nightclothes over the ones I slept in, and when that still wouldn’t warm me up, I put on my man’s thick warm robe over everything. Then I laid underneath a pile of blankets and pretty much stayed there all week, shivering like a sad chihuahua.

Midweek my fever subsided but my nose was so clogged I sounded like Darth Vader. Every day a whole new way of feeling like death. My head felt like it wasn’t attached to the rest of my body. My fingers and toes felt tingly and numb. I wondered if that was how ghosts felt. Then I wondered if I was a ghost and I didn’t know it. That’s why I still kept fucking, even though I was sick all week. I needed that friction to remind me that I’m still alive. (Although I’m pretty sure horny ghosts are not unheard of.)

A little bit of courage, a little bit of grit, a little bit of taking a step in a positive direction, and I feel better now. Not entirely better, but better, thank you.

Bunny May Ling Su
See the rest of this photo series at MAYCAM.

Happy Easter, everybunny!

May Ling Su

Just a stupid chink’s opinion

Have you seen this?

A white woman yelled “Go back to China!” at an asian man on the street. He turned around and yelled back at her, “I was born in America!” The asian man happens to be New York Times deputy Metro editor, Michael Luo, who then wrote an open letter to the offending woman. He also started a twitter conversation about Asian-Americans’ experience of racism, #thisis2016.

Most of it sounds like petty playground taunting. The fact that an asian man can confront his abuser and write about it later on the New York Times shows he has power. Had it been a black man doing the same thing, he would have been shot dead on the sidewalk before he even opened his mouth. Had it been a Muslim doing the same thing, s/he would have been labeled a terrorist and taken away, never to be seen on the face of the earth. I’m exaggerating, of course, but not by much and you know it.

I do have a problem with people assuming “victim” status. I’m not talking about real assault here. I’m talking about words thrown about carelessly on one hand, and hypersensitivity to certain keywords on the other. On the playground, if you let a bully see your weakness, the bully wins. Remember, the best defense is offensive. Here are a few suggestions for snappy come-backs to racist comments:

  • People talk “ching chang chong” around you? Don’t act all hurt. “Ching chang chong” back at them. Incessantly, like you’re their new best friend. “You-me-ha-ha!” I’m pretty sure it’ll weird them out enough to stop, or if they have a sense of humor they’ll actually laugh at you and themselves and the whole situation in general.
  • Someone call you Bruce Lee? Say thanks, it’s an honor. The man is a god! Then whip out some karate chops. You don’t know karate? Just make shit up. Racists are stupid. They won’t know the difference.
  • Someone tell you your English is perfect? Say, “Thanks! Yours needs work.”
  • Someone ask about your slanted vagina? Say, “Yes, and I’m another slanted vagina you’ll never get to fuck.”
  • Someone tell you to go make chinese food? Take their money to go.
  • Someone wants to kick your butt back to China? Kick their butt back to Ireland. Not from Ireland? Who cares? I’m not from China!

See what I’m getting at? Asians can out-racist the racists. We’ve had plenty of experience. East Asians think they’re better than South and South-East Asians. Chinese, Japanese, and Koreans don’t like each other either. Singaporeans and Hong Kong Chinese hate Filipinos.

If there is anything #thisis2016 has shown me, it’s that Asian Americans are racist against Asian-Asians. They’re saying, “How dare you lump me in with immigrants and international students who don’t speak English well or at all! How dare you compare me to low life sex workers, maids, nurses, delivery boys, cooks… I’m better than them! I’m American!!!”

I’m a naturalized American citizen originally from the Philippines. I’m a college graduate and my American English is impeccable. But you know what? I put on a mock Asian accent and race play with white men in my latest MAYCAM video. Why? Because it’s naughty. Because I like Asians, yes, including the whores, the maids, the nurses, the delivery boys, the cooks… I am them and they are me. Because calling myself racist slurs does not threaten my racial dignity any more than being a sexual submissive threatens my feminism.

How does your hard white cock feel about that? Love me long time, Joe?

May Ling Su asian on the menu

May Ling Su

Between Desire and Fear

One month down, the days are flying by. How are you doing with your New Year’s Resolutions? According to folklore we’re supposed to break all of our resolutions by Twelfth Night, which was January 6. Apparently, we would bore the gods if we actually succeeded in our goals for the year. I say it depends on what your resolutions are.

If it is, as mine is, to be like Lilith, bolder in living, loving and learning, there might yet still be some entertainment left for the gods.

I often sign off with “Love, Lust, & Liberty,” and I do that because I truly wish it for you and for me. Sometimes, though, Love, Lust & Liberty seems so elusive. When it does manifest in life, it is so ephemeral. We catch glimpses of them, maybe feel as if we have them in the moment, and then as time passes, we find ourselves missing them. Missing the Love, the Lust, the Liberty.

What we do have always is desire and fear. Desire is that which we want (the very essence of wanting it means we don’t have it, we are left wanting). And then there is fear, the threat of danger or pain. Sometimes the object of our desire and our fear is one and the same.

My life is lived within the tension between desire and fear. I want it, I fear it. Or rather, I fear rejection, or exposure, or humiliation, or more tangibly, a backlash toward me and my loved ones from my community, if I was exposed as one who has such a deviant desire. But oh, I want it! I desire so much to live, to be free, to love, to lust, to be liberated, and to liberate.

So I walk the tightrope between my desire and my fear. Often, fear dominates, and I live a life less than. I tone down my desires, muffle it, put the fire out. I pretend I don’t want it. I convince myself it doesn’t matter to a life well lived. I disassociate. My fear cuts me off from my desire. I accept everything that is thrown at me. Boredom, violence, work, inundation. I get to work. I see everything as work. My duty.

I feel blessed that the person closest to me is a squeaky wheel crying out for me to live, to take the leap with him, to take initiative. Desire wins for a moment, but always in the context of approval. Is this okay? Am I still okay? I haven’t lost you, have I?

I should more often and more adamantly ask myself the same question:
I haven’t lost me, have I?

May Ling Su

I wish I could say that I kicked off the year with a bold new me that, like Lilith, is bigger than my fears. I didn’t. Every initiative I took toward my desire was awkward, nervous, weird. I completely lose my cool when I’m around someone I find sexually attractive. I ramble like a fool. I walk away wanting to kick myself in the head. But it’s still better to exercise those nerve endings and put myself out there than to play it safe.

Fortune favors the bold. Take a deep breath, keep calm and boldy go.

Love, Lust, & Liberty,
May Ling Su

5 ways to be like Lilith in 2016

For centuries Lilith was depicted as an archetype of the negative side of woman. According to legend, she dominated Adam, left Eden of her own volition, and refused to return despite threats from angels sent by God to retrieve her. Cautionary tales against lust and stories of Lilith strangling babies abound in folklore.

Over the past few decades, though, women have come to invoke her name as inspiration for feminism and the gender equality movement. Lilith has become an archetype of the liberated woman: assertive, determined, and takes no shit from anyone, not even God.

And since we’re coming upon the beginning of a brand new year, I’m making my New Year’s resolution to be more like Lilith in 2016. Wanna join me? Here are a few ideas to get us started, based on the way I portrayed Lilith in my book, Lilith: Queen of the Demons.

  1. Devour everything life has to offer here and now. Show no reserve. Life is short and changes so quickly. You will never have the exact same elements and circumstances aligning for you again. Seize the experience. Waste no opportunities. Yes, eat the fruit. Now.
  2. Learn everything that you can. The many ways to make love, make pottery, weave fabrics, build a house, tend a fire, read and write, astronomy, advanced spells, computer code… follow your curiosity. The world is an inexhaustible mystery. The more you learn, the more there is to learn.
  3. Follow your heart completely. The wisdom of the heart is often set aside in favor of the conscious mind, which is governed by fear, guilt, and duties.

    “Love is strange. It has no rules. We do not control love. Love takes a grip of your heart and you are changed forever. Do not weep if you have love in your heart. Trust your heart. Follow the love you have inside you.”

    – Kishar in Lilith: Queen of the Demons

  4. Tend to the fire of mischief. Life gets boring without laughter, surprise, and delight. Play tricks, say something outrageous, do something unexpected. Stop being so goddamn serious.
  5. Be clear about what you want, then boldly go forth to make it so. There are two parts to this. The first is being absolutely clear about your goal, thinking things through from beginning to end, with all (or at least as many as possible) things considered. The second is going forward boldly and unwaveringly. Sometimes I let people stop me because they bring up issues that cause me to realize I had not thought things through as clearly as I thought I had. Know the difference between constructive criticism and bullying. Revise, then keep going. It’s the second part that is most important and most difficult. I know I could get stuck in the planning stages forever, afraid to make the leap. Go. Fortune favors the bold.

May Ling Su New Year's Resolution is to be like Lilith

Love, Lust, & Liberty in 2016!

Cheers!
May Ling Su