Hello, September! The first day of the last trimester of the year. I’m really excited. Fall is my favorite time of the year. So much to celebrate.

In October I’ll be updating my annual Birthday Nude collection. Every year I wonder if I’m getting too old for this, but every year I surprise myself. This old lady still looks pretty hot for her age.

October is also when Jay and I got married by an old cowboy with a handlebar mustache at a vista point overlooking Lake Tahoe. 14 years of good luvin! And 14 years of making porn! Jay and I have a great time together and love sharing it with all of you.

Then come the big holidays. Halloween, of course, is a huge deal here in our household. We love getting all dressed up and trick or treating. It’s also my daughter’s birthday, so it’s a double huge deal. Party, cakes, the works. Then the rest just rolls up sooner than we’re ready for it. Thanksgiving, Christmas, the New Year! I’m getting dizzy just thinking about all that.

I’m just going to take it one day at a time. Kid just started school this week, so I have more time to work on projects. MAYCAM members, I uploaded a new video called Jammies. Check it out on MAYCAM. I still need to edit another video that is going to be for public release here on the blog, check back for that.

I’m writing the first draft of a novel. I’m really excited about it, but it’s slow going, so I would appreciate it if you would nudge me once in a while and bug me about it. In fact, I’m going to sign off now so I can log in more words today. I’ll leave you with this photo. And if you want more, sign up for email updates and get free passwords to my protected entries.

Have a wonderful day, my dear kiki lovers!

August is World Breastfeeding Month. I didn’t want the month to end without sharing my breastfeeding story with you.

As soon as my baby was born, I marveled at how intuitively she latched on to my nipple. I didn’t immediately produce milk and suckling hurt the first few days but I kept at it, knowing my baby and I just needed to get into it. On the fourth day, Jay and I took our baby in to Children’s Hospital because she looked orange. She had jaundice.

I felt so inadequate. I couldn’t produce milk. My mother convinced me to let the nurses feed my baby formula during her stay in the hospital so I could rest. Walking away from my baby was torture. It was as if someone had cut my limbs off.

My parents took me and Jay to our favorite Indian restaurant for dinner. As soon as I had some raita I felt my nipples spurt. From that moment on I associate raita with breastmilk.

That night, my first night as a mom without my baby, my breasts felt like they would explode. My midwife advised me to hand express milk so that my breasts would keep flowing. Without a baby, my milk would dry up.

The next day I sat in the hospital nursery and fed my baby as often as I could. (She was getting a tan under a bili light.) I was determined to remind my baby not forget my tits. After two nights without her, I finally got to take her home.

From then on, it’s Mama’s milk for the first 3 years of my baby’s life. Yes, three! The kid is superhuman! She’s smart, healthy, and strong. She’ll kick your ass. I mean it.

Breastfeeding my kid as long as I did was one of the best things I’ve ever done. I consider it quite a feat because there were so many obstacles to doing it: disinformation from previous generations’ mothers (my mom and those other 70s moms), the rough road we went through on the first week and condescension from people when I breastfeed around them. Fuck them all! None of that mattered as much as giving my baby this irreplaceable gift that she will have for the rest of her life.

Ladies, Moms-to-be, check La Leche League for information, resources and encouragement. I didn’t join a mom group but I bought the La Leche League book, “The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding,” which is like the Bible of Breastfeeding.

Gentlemen, you can help. Keep your ladies healthy and hydrated. Soups are nutritious and hydrating, always keep drinking water by her side, offer to massage her when she’s taking a break. If you’re into it, you can offer your suckling services too if her milk ducts ever get clogged up. Yes, it will happen once the baby starts eating solid food and throws the boobs off schedule. It happened to me a few times and it hurt like a mother! A steamy shower, hand expressing and a little suckling helps get those milk ducts flowing again.

Breastfeeding is free, always at the perfect temperature, ready on demand and is the best food on the planet. It’s one of the most amazing tricks my body has ever done.

Photos above can be viewed larger at MAYCAM.

Chicken pox, my dear kiki lovers. I am stricken with chicken pox, this childhood affliction that I somehow dodged when I was younger is finally here. I feel as sexy as an african wart frog.

Water and oil is the yin and yang
of our physical world.
Our planet and its creatures
are mostly water. Water sustains life.
Oil is the dark ooze that is ambition,
innovation, greed, war and death.
Oil is the ego.

*********
I dug this entry up after Jay and I had a conversation about the BP oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico. We were talking about oil as an evil, this dark ooze humans coax from under the ground and pay a heavy price to obtain. Wars are waged and people’s lives sacrificed for that which greases the wheels of progress. In contrast, water is pure life-sustaining substance that will never integrate with oil despite the many instances of pollution.

The battle between good and evil is really the battle between water and oil.

I had about half an hour to spare before Siren was due to arrive at my hotel room, so I took a walk around the neighborhood at Queen Street West, mostly to keep myself from obsessing over my Macbook. I walked into a sweet little boutique called Champagne and Cupcakes, and found the dress I decided to wear for the Feminist Porn Awards. The boutique offers original designs by Caroline Lim, as well as accessories made by other Canadian designers. They also do in-house alteration, which takes at least a couple of days to accomplish. Lucky for me, the dress I picked fits me perfectly. I love the dress and peacock feather hair accessory, don’t you?

My little shopping therapy did wonders to my mood. I went back to my hotel room to meet Siren Thorn. Those of you who follow my twitter may already know that I am working on a new project I’ve named Enchantasia. This project will combine beautiful asian women and mythological characters from Asia. I’m really excited about recreating images from stories I’ve heard in my childhood. Siren Thorn is the first model I have had the pleasure of photographing for this project. She is incredibly beautiful and so easy to work with. I adore her! You’ll see more of Sire Thorn and other asian women in Enchantasia by autumn this year.

After our shoot, I brought my dead Macbook to Apple at Eaton Center. My Genius, Dave B. spent over an hour resurrecting my Mac. He stayed well past the 9 pm closing time to make sure I came home with a functioning OS. I was so overwhelmed by his tenacity and how he did not balk at my files, which are as personally revealing of me as a pap smear.

By the time I arrived at the Bloor Cinema for Public Provocative Porn, it was 10 pm. I had missed Nica Noelle’s film, “The Deviant.” I walked into a full house agog over the spectacular April Flores. I squeezed into an empty seat in the back. I’ve watched porn on a big screen before, at home using a projector. But I’ve never before watched porn in a public place, a theater packed with people nonetheless. It made me feel self-conscious, like every breath, every reaction of my body was magnified a million times, and that the people sitting on either side of me could feel me too.

Shine Louise Houston’s “Crash Pad Series Vol. 5” came on next. It’s really surprising because I was expecting dyke porn, and what I saw instead was Mickey Mod, a cis-gender male paired up with cute genderqueer Shawn, also known as Syd Blakovich.

“Tristan Taormino’s Expert Guide to Anal Pleasure for Men” was a welcome relief from the intensity of the previous films. Tristan Taormino discusses anal sex nonchalantly with a hetero-couple, played by Penny Flame and Devin. The audience laughed several times during the screening of her film – a little nervously perhaps, a release from tension. And this is exactly how Tristan Taormino affects people. She approaches a delicate subject with disarming charm that makes you feel comfortable, so comfortable, you feel like you can tell her anything. I encourage anyone who is curious about anal sex to get her videos and learn from the expert.

Lorraine Hewitt led a Q&A discussion, which was just as interesting as the films themselves.

The next day I decided I would take it easy. The day before had been so stressful, traveling and running around town to get my Macbook fixed. My room at the Gladstone Hotel was very cozy and perfect for taking photos in. Each room is uniquely designed by a different artist, and by sheer luck I got the room designed by Millie Chen, “Chinoiserie.” I packed my lilac-colored cheongsam for the occasion, and took photos that are now posted at MAYCAM. I sure do miss my partner-in-crime, Jay. Taking photos using a self-timer is not as fun as having someone to interact with behind the camera.

I went to check out Good For Her, the sex toy shop hosting and sponsoring the Feminist Porn Awards. I bought a few items to give as presents to girl friends from high school who were meeting me for dinner before the awards. I hadn’t seen them in over 20 years (yes, I’m ancient!) and somehow seeing each other again reduced us to giggling schoolgirls. I had so much fun! In between the nerves of traveling alone and being somewhat of an outsider in such a big event, I found an oasis of joy among my friends.

The Feminist Porn Awards was held at Berkeley Church. The place was packed with beautiful people of all shapes, sizes, genders, races… all there to celebrate feminist porn. I met Courtney Trouble, brilliant director of Speakeasy, which won the award for Most Tantalizing Trans Film that night. “We all belong here!” she announced emotionally as she accepted her award. I stepped back and looked around me at everyone belonging, celebrating with the people they love, their chosen family. I stepped out of my body for a moment and searched for my tribe, the people I belong to. They weren’t in this room. I walked around the church observing the event as it took place. Acceptance speeches, sexy campy numbers, clips from the winning films.

I stepped outside for a moment and called Jay. It was bedtime for the little one and I wanted to say good night. I tried to keep my voice steady and my tears from forming. I decided it was time to go home.

A cute boi came up to me and asked, “Do those shoes hurt your feet? Be honest.”

“Yes,” I answered.

“That is so hot!” He was going to say more, then changed his mind and said good night.

I had just enough time to pack up my stuff and go. My flight was at 6:45 in the morning, which meant I had to be at the airport long before dawn. While standing in line for Customs, I congratulated Shine Louise Houston for winning The Visionary Award that night. We both realized we were on the same flight back to San Francisco. We talked while waiting to board. I got a sneak peak at what she’s working on. I let her in on new projects I’m working on. We got to our seats and found out we were seated on the same row, with a guy between us. I thought, this will be interesting.

The guy offered to switch seats with me so Shine and I could continue talking. She was talking about being glad the award trophy wasn’t made of glass.

“Do you have it on you,” I asked impishly. Yes, she answered. “Can I touch it?” I pushed. Sure, she replied, and got it out. Verrrrry nice! I just had to take a picture of her holding it.

I had to lean way back to get Shine and the trophy in the frame of my iPhone cam. I leaned way into the guy’s personal space that it made Shine laugh so hard, and that’s why she has the biggest grin on her face in this picture. I think I made a friend.

What do you think? Come up with the winning caption to win a home-burned DVD of “The Snoop”. Your comment should be timestamped by Wednesday, March 17 to qualify for this contest.

“The Snoop” is an hour-long video available in high resolution streaming format at MAYCAM.

*********
Update (March 26, 2010): Okay, this announcement is about a week late. Thank you for being patient with me and my taxes.

The winning caption is Brian’s: “I’m guessing, young lady, that your work has something to do with bunnies!”

I love bunnies! And anything bunny just wins with me.

Brian, let me know where to send this DVD.

Everyone else, try again next time! I hope you all had fun!

Did you know that Max Hardcore is a Leo?

The boy who gave me my first kiss at 15: Leo.

My first lover. Not a Leo. He’s a Scorpio. That’s a whole other world I won’t get into now.

But my rebound guy after my first lover, you guessed it: Leo.

Sam: Leo.

And sweet Liandre.

Liandre was a boy who called me every night when I was 14. Our maid, Nana Cion used to sneak me phonecalls by announcing that a girl named Andrea was calling. We’d talk for hours. Who knew what it was about. Just a boy curious about me as I was curious about him.

One day he said he would come over for a visit. I had lost my voice that day after singing too much. It was midafternoon. I sat on a bench in our backyard, not knowing there was a small hive of the meanest yellow jackets in a nook under the bench. What Liandre found when he arrived was me screaming, “Putakti! Putakti” in a deep scraggly voice that sounded like I was possessed by the devil as I ran past him indoors and under a shower of cold water. It’s up there as one of the most embarrassing moments in my life.

I never saw him after that. Think I scared him?