All packed up and ready to go. It seems like we’ve been packing forever. We started putting our stuff into storage in November, took a break for the holidays so we can spend time with family, then it’s back to finishing up putting things away.

We’ve done all this before when we packed up our stuff to move to Maine for a year. I admit I like shaking up my life this way. It helps me re-examine what’s important and what I can live without.

I must be a vagabond at heart. A nomad. A gypsy. I love to move. I love exploring new places, meeting new people, learning their ways. It’s as if I have lived a million lives. I’ve been a child in Manila, a struggling actress in New York City, a dot-com millionaire in Silicon Valley, a Las Vegas porn star for a night, a haunted mermaid in Maine and a beach mom in Half Moon Bay.

What new and exciting lives will I lead in the coming years?

See the rest of this set of photos at MAYCAM.

The article about me published in last month’s Esquire Philippines is now online. Go read my interview with Gang Badoy and check out the art by Gamo Tuano. It’s so lovely!

I’m in Esquire Philippines magazine – the Women issue. The article is called “From Ateneo Graduate to American Pornstar: A Dialogue With Gang Badoy.” Go get it! It’s out now.

People are always surprised that I worked with Max Hardcore, and more than that, I speak well of him. I gather that it is a bit of a leap for people to reconcile my feminine power stance with my involvement with notoriously misogynistic and incarcerated-for-obscenity Max Hardcore. We sort those issues out in an interview with Miss Lagsalot of Conflicted Exxistence. Includes juicy behind-the-scenes details of on- and offscreen shenanigans with Max Hardcore. Go read it!

I had about half an hour to spare before Siren was due to arrive at my hotel room, so I took a walk around the neighborhood at Queen Street West, mostly to keep myself from obsessing over my Macbook. I walked into a sweet little boutique called Champagne and Cupcakes, and found the dress I decided to wear for the Feminist Porn Awards. The boutique offers original designs by Caroline Lim, as well as accessories made by other Canadian designers. They also do in-house alteration, which takes at least a couple of days to accomplish. Lucky for me, the dress I picked fits me perfectly. I love the dress and peacock feather hair accessory, don’t you?

My little shopping therapy did wonders to my mood. I went back to my hotel room to meet Siren Thorn. Those of you who follow my twitter may already know that I am working on a new project. This project will combine beautiful asian women and mythological characters from Asia. I’m really excited about recreating images from stories I’ve heard in my childhood. Siren Thorn is the first model I have had the pleasure of photographing for this project. She is incredibly beautiful and so easy to work with. I adore her! You’ll see more of Siren Thorn and other asian women by autumn this year.

After our shoot, I brought my dead Macbook to Apple at Eaton Center. My Genius, Dave B. spent over an hour resurrecting my Mac. He stayed well past the 9 pm closing time to make sure I came home with a functioning OS. I was so overwhelmed by his tenacity and how he did not balk at my files, which are as personally revealing of me as a pap smear.

By the time I arrived at the Bloor Cinema for Public Provocative Porn, it was 10 pm. I had missed Nica Noelle‘s film, “The Deviant.” I walked into a full house agog over the spectacular April Flores. I squeezed into an empty seat in the back. I’ve watched porn on a big screen before, at home using a projector. But I’ve never before watched porn in a public place, a theater packed with people nonetheless. It made me feel self-conscious, like every breath, every reaction of my body was magnified a million times, and that the people sitting on either side of me could feel me too.

Shine Louise Houston‘s “Crash Pad Series Vol. 5” came on next. It’s really surprising because I was expecting dyke porn, and what I saw instead was Mickey Mod, a cis-gender male paired up with cute genderqueer Shawn, also known as Syd Blakovich.

“Tristan Taormino’s Expert Guide to Anal Pleasure for Men” was a welcome relief from the intensity of the previous films. Tristan Taormino discusses anal sex nonchalantly with a hetero-couple, played by Penny Flame and Devin. The audience laughed several times during the screening of her film – a little nervously perhaps, a release from tension. And this is exactly how Tristan Taormino affects people. She approaches a delicate subject with disarming charm that makes you feel comfortable, so comfortable, you feel like you can tell her anything. I encourage anyone who is curious about anal sex to get her videos and learn from the expert.

Lorraine Hewitt led a Q&A discussion, which was just as interesting as the films themselves.

The next day I decided I would take it easy. The day before had been so stressful, traveling and running around town to get my Macbook fixed. My room at the Gladstone Hotel was very cozy and perfect for taking photos in. Each room is uniquely designed by a different artist, and by sheer luck I got the room designed by Millie Chen, “Chinoiserie.” I packed my lilac-colored cheongsam for the occasion, and took photos that are now posted at MAYCAM. I sure do miss my partner-in-crime, Jay. Taking photos using a self-timer is not as fun as having someone to interact with behind the camera.

I went to check out Good For Her, the sex toy shop hosting and sponsoring the Feminist Porn Awards. I bought a few items to give as presents to girl friends from high school who were meeting me for dinner before the awards. I hadn’t seen them in over 20 years (yes, I’m ancient!) and somehow seeing each other again reduced us to giggling schoolgirls. I had so much fun! In between the nerves of traveling alone and being somewhat of an outsider in such a big event, I found an oasis of joy among my friends.

The Feminist Porn Awards was held at Berkeley Church. The place was packed with beautiful people of all shapes, sizes, genders, races… all there to celebrate feminist porn. I met Courtney Trouble, brilliant director of Speakeasy, which won the award for Most Tantalizing Trans Film that night. “We all belong here!” she announced emotionally as she accepted her award. I stepped back and looked around me at everyone belonging, celebrating with the people they love, their chosen family. I stepped out of my body for a moment and searched for my tribe, the people I belong to. They weren’t in this room. I walked around the church observing the event as it took place. Acceptance speeches, sexy campy numbers, clips from the winning films.

I stepped outside for a moment and called Jay. It was bedtime for the little one and I wanted to say good night. I tried to keep my voice steady and my tears from forming. I decided it was time to go home.

A cute boi came up to me and asked, “Do those shoes hurt your feet? Be honest.”

“Yes,” I answered.

“That is so hot!” He was going to say more, then changed his mind and said good night.

I had just enough time to pack up my stuff and go. My flight was at 6:45 in the morning, which meant I had to be at the airport long before dawn. While standing in line for Customs, I congratulated Shine Louise Houston for winning The Visionary Award that night. We both realized we were on the same flight back to San Francisco. We talked while waiting to board. I got a sneak peak at what she’s working on. I let her in on new projects I’m working on. We got to our seats and found out we were seated on the same row, with a guy between us. I thought, this will be interesting.

The guy offered to switch seats with me so Shine and I could continue talking. She was talking about being glad the award trophy wasn’t made of glass.

“Do you have it on you,” I asked impishly. Yes, she answered. “Can I touch it?” I pushed. Sure, she replied, and got it out. Verrrrry nice! I just had to take a picture of her holding it.

I had to lean way back to get Shine and the trophy in the frame of my iPhone cam. I leaned way into the guy’s personal space that it made Shine laugh so hard, and that’s why she has the biggest grin on her face in this picture. I think I made a friend.

We’ve all grown more comfortable with each other and gotten to know each other better over the past year. Jay and Josh get along remarkably, so much so that I find myself feeling sheepish about interrupting them for a MFM romp. It makes me feel like a selfish little cunt. “Hey guys, stop talking about art and jam your cocks in my holes already,” feels like my subtext the whole time I hang out with them.

Actually, it’s not as much subtext as it is shameless supertext. It’s what we all want. The fact that they both get excited about art is icing on the voluptuous cake. It’s been a while since Jay has been comfortable with the guy he teams up with. There’s been some awkward fumbling around and hurtful sneaking around. If there was such a sport as Olympic synchronized fucking-and-videotaping, Jay and Josh would have taken gold, hands down.

Add to that the fact that they were shooting video while they were at it. Darlings, being a pornographer is hard work. Those two passed the camera back and forth to get the best angles for you. You should have seen Josh shooting between his legs from behind to get that double penetration close up. I didn’t see him, he was behind me, but I can imagine what delicious muscle flexing he was doing to get the perfect shot. It couldn’t have been easy. I’ve never seen dedication to pornography that comes close to Jay’s.

I have the easiest job: just enjoy them both working so hard to please me.

And I did. I enjoyed having two hard cocks inside me. I enjoyed the firm confident way both men held me. I enjoyed the trust that we have in each other. I enjoyed watching their beautiful faces, glistening with sweat, eyes engaged thoroughly in the act of consummating their desire for my body. I enjoyed watching them spend the last ounce of their energy on me until we are all shaking weak-kneed and out of breath euphoric, as if we had just attempted some kind of X-game.

“Green Kimono” is about 16 minutes of the hottest moments I shared with Jay and Josh this past week. Watch it now on MAYCAM!

Strip Karaoke from May Ling Su on Vimeo.

This is all of the Strip Karaoke (the album) music videos. Including the ones YouTube banned because there was nudity. And the short scenes in between the songs. Did I tell you there was nudity?

Jay really likes those tube sites, though. He is trying to convince me to post to them because they’re so popular and a good way to get new traffic (though I wonder, with the amount of free content on those sites, how many people are really clicking out).

It is kind of like the Napster of porn. Porn producers can take the tube sites down legally one at a time, or embrace it and figure out a way to earn royalties from them.

What do you think? Do you watch porn on the tube sites? How do you feel about them?

While you’re thinking about it, here is my scene with Max Hardcore, as embedded from XVideos.com:

Get your fuck on, it’s Friday!!!