Here is an email I received asking about sex during pregnancy. Do leave a comment if you have something to add to my advice, or if you want to ask a follow up question.

E wrote:

My wife is 14 weeks preggo now and our sex life has taken a massive faceplant over the last 5 weeks or so. We used to have sex a minimum twice a day on weekdays and 3-4 on weekends, but now I’m lucky if we can get intimate once or twice a week.

The underlying problem is not mental or emotional (she still has a strong desire), but rather physical…she gets bad acid reflux and indigestion on a near-constant basis, and it’s brought her sex drive down with every week. The vaginal sex has also been a bit uncomfortable as well…she still gets nice and wet but the vaginal canal feels awkward when I’m inside (for a lack of better words) and it doesn’t feel that good for either of us. We’ve been doing more anal (yay!) as a result, but since we only have sex once or twice a week it’s affected my ability to hold it in and I end up ejaculating in less than 5 minutes. It hasn’t been all that satisfying these last several weeks.

She doesn’t feel unattractive and for the most part she’s in a good mood, and I give her unconditional love and support and I haven’t missed an ultrasound or doctor’s appointment, and I’ve been reading several large pregnancy books to help us stay informed on everything. . . I haven’t spoken to her about how I feel about the lack of sex because I don’t want to appear selfish and I don’t want to upset her or make her feel like it’s her fault, because it’s clearly not at all and I don’t blame her.

The sudden massive backtrack in sex has really taken me for a spin, though… I’ve been jacking off a storm that I haven’t done since I was in high school, but it’s only a band-aid solution and I really miss our intimacy. I’m trying not to let it show but it’s driving me crazy inside.

Any advice or insight that you or Jay could share?

I’m trying to remember how often Jay and I had sex when I was pregnant, and I think it’s about the same as yours. 2 to 3 times a week sounds like how it was for us too, which like you, was a lot less than before we were pregnant. Believe me, once the baby comes out, it will be even less than that.

I totally understand. My first trimester I slept a lot, my second trimester it was acid reflux and indigestion, my third trimester it was sciatica. Despite all that, I really craved intimacy and wanted to spend time with Jay.

Some more ideas beyond vaginal and anal sex: oral sex and mutual masturbation. I would masturbate his cock between my breasts, which was novelty for me since I was sporting Mom boobs. Jay played with my vagina a lot, stretched it out with his fingers and I think it prepared me for childbirth.

Let me know how it goes.

Take care, both of you! Get lots of sleep and sex.

In world news, Aussies want to ban small breasted women in porn. Apparently small breasted women promote pedophilia. In Australia, only full breasted women have the right to be sexy. The rest of us flat chested women can just hide in shame under our miracle bras, feel guilty about promoting child abuse unwittingly, or get a boob job if we feel like rebelling against the horrible lot our genes have imposed on us. Aussies also want to ban squirters. Just because they’re freaks. Don’t they know only guys ejaculate? (link via @joycesu)

Watch it now on MAYCAM!

I found this video Jay and I made when I was 7 months pregnant: big enough to make an impression, but not so big that I shake the ground whenever I move.

The first scene presents a problem: How do I trim overgrown pubic hair, when I can’t see past my bulging belly? I just had to LOL at my predicament. Mothers (and pot-bellied men) know what I’m talking about. As soon as my thighs were out of sight, I was like, “Pubes? What pubes?”

Good thing Jay was around. He lent me a hand, shaving my sasquatchian cunt, and gave me a little tongue too. As soon as I was smooth, this big mama was ready for action.

I show the ladies how to do kegel exercises. Jay gives me a full body massage, including some assistance in stretching out the baby tunnel. We do it in every position possible while still keeping my bun in the oven.

I’m a little shocked at how hardcore we got, but then again, not really. Jay and I have been having extreme sex daily since we hooked up in 1996. My “delicate condition” notwithstanding, we did for the camera what we have always done.

I love this video, now up at MAYCAM. I had an amazing experience being pregnant. I was very healthy and happy, and it shows on video.

Lately my kid keeps asking me for a brother or a sister, and though I really enjoyed being pregnant I hesitate. I remember talking to one of the nurses who drew me a blood test. I was worrying out loud about the pain of childbirth. She laughed at me, “Honey, that’s nothing compared to the job you have afterwards.” She was right.

Super Spy Chick from May Ling Su on Vimeo.

I had such a great time making this movie with my friends. It’s an hour-long science fiction comedy schlock feature that I’m hoping makes Ed Wood proud.

In “Super Spy Chick,” you’ll see me in a crazy catfight, tortured by a mad scientist, singing karaoke, and baring my pregnant belly. (Not to mention using the archaic Greymatter blog platform in the first scene. Nerd trivia: SuperSpyChick.com is still on Greymatter!)

Despite YouTube’s opinion, I do not have sex in this movie. Sorry, head over to MAYCAM if that’s what you want to see.

If you want something silly and sexy (but safe) to watch tonight, get your popcorn ready and click the Play button above. Have a great time!

Back then I had an irregular cycle. It was common for me to have cycles as long as 60 days, and since I was not yet sexually active, it wasn’t a big deal if my period ran late.

Another part of this exercise was recording how our vaginas felt. We marked the calendar Fertile if we were wet, Infertile if we had a tacky discharge, and Dry if we were, well, dry.

This exercise may very well be the beginning of my sexual exploration, though at that time I remember thinking of it as tedious and never took it seriously enough to document everyday. In fact, I remember making it all up on the day we turned those monthly calendar sheets in.

As soon as I started being sexually active, I got on the pill, and didn’t have to think much of counting the days in my cycles. Almost immediately after quitting the pill, I got pregnant, became a mom and didn’t have my period for eight months after birth.

Since I got my period again, it is like clockwork. I have not gone back to taking birth control pills. I have begun counting out my monthly cycles to determine when I’m fertile, when I’m expecting my period, and when I have sex.

The nuns actually taught me something about sex!

There is an iPhone app that Fertility Friend released to help make this easier. I use it faithfully. It’s called the Menstrual Calendar. You first set it up with your cycle length and the first day of your most recent period. The app marks each calendar day and predicts fertile days and when the next period begins. Make sure you set Auto Stats to OFF so you can make adjustments if you are early or late a day or so.

The app also lets me enter information about my period – None, Spotting, Light, Normal or Heavy; and about whether or not I had intercourse – Protected or Unprotected.

The only function missing is a text field to enter who the sex was with, for women who have multiple partners, in case knock-on-wood she gets pregnant and is wondering who the father may be. This makes keeping a diary of all the dirty details indispensable.