Coincidentally, I received an email from a young woman from University of the Philippines working on her Masters thesis on the subject of Feminist Pornography. It amused me that she thought at first I was an urban legend. “And finding you, an educated woman of means, doing it as a deliberate and informed choice is certainly a cause for much interest,” she wrote.

I thought I’d share her questions, and my answers:

1. What are your beliefs regarding pornography?

Porn is as important to society as sex is important to the human experience. I believe pornography is a celebration of life, procreation, love. Why is depicting sex on film so taboo? Larry Flynt brought up this argument: Sex between consenting adults is legal. Yet depicting sex on film is illegal. On the contrary, murder is illegal. Yet depicting murder on film is legal.

2. Some feminists have criticized pornography for making money out of women’s bodies, but now there are women who make pornographic films “to show sexuality through a female’s perspective.” What are your (personal) reasons for making and doing pornography?

Anyone who enters a career, whether it’s in the sex industry or otherwise, thinks about whether it’s a viable way to make a living. We all have to make money. We all choose something about us, a talent, skill, or knowledge to market as a commodity. I started out as an actress/singer performing on stage and TV. When I got married, my husband and I played around on cameras as crazy newlyweds and got giddy posting stuff online. We really enjoyed it!

Performing sex for an audience came naturally to me. I was good at it, and willing to learn more “stunts.” I enjoy sex in many ways. I think everyone dreams of being employed in a job that one enjoys.

The main advantage to making my own porn at home versus being employed in legit shows is that I call the shots. I decide who I have sex with, when and how. Time is the biggest advantage. I’m sure you know that doing shows on stage and TV takes up so much time! I get to be a stay-at-home mom and raise my own child. It’s a challenge scheduling work around when my kid is at school, but at least I’m in control of my schedule.

I think feminists who criticize porn for “making money out of women’s bodies” have good intentions, but their criticism is not targeted correctly. It’s not porn that is the problem, it’s slavery in any form – it could be a domestic helper that is not being paid just wages, just as much as it could be a sex worker. If a woman decides to make money using her body, whether it’s for sex, or household chores, or performance, or athletics, that is her choice and she deserves respect. Respect means that she gets compensated well and treated well as a person.

3. In your entry, Give Up Porn? Dated October 12, 2007, you corrected several assumptions regarding pornography. Can you cite other examples of how you have been stereotyped or criticized for what you do, and how you reacted to it?

When I first started people assumed that because I have a porn site, I was willing to have sex with anyone. Some people think all I do is spread my legs. People forget that running a successful porn site requires technical skills and marketing savvy. Check Angry Woman (another one of my blog entries) for a little more about this.

The most criticism I get is from my menstruation site – On My Period – I like criticism. It means I get people’s attention, make them stop and think, polarize them into having an opinion… do I like this or not, and why? Most of the positive critiques I’ve gotten are well-thought-out. Most of the negative criticism have been knee-jerk reactions of disgust. At first I’m a little hurt, but I remind myself that my work is just a mirror. People will project their own feelings and ideas into my sites. People’s perceptions reveal more about themselves than it is about the subject.

4. How do you feel about being objectified, as a woman, and as a Filipina?

As I wrote above, we all objectify ourselves to make a living. By that I mean, we look at ourselves in an objective way, make a list of strengths and weaknesses, and if we’re smart, we capitalize on our strengths to create a good life for ourselves and the people we love. There is nothing more empowering than accepting who we are and making the most of it.

5. What advise would you give to the modern day Filipina?

Be proud. Be real. We are amazing!

We decided it would be a girl-girl thing, and that it was ok for Jay to take photos. We weren’t getting “full service” but she said she’d get us going then sneak out when Jay and I were hot and ready for each other. I admit I gave up control of what was about to happen. She’s the professional, I thought, she must know what she’s doing. I didn’t tell her what my expectations were. I guess I just didn’t really know what to expect, total amateur that I was.

She stripped down to her thong and let me suck on her nipples. Then she went down on me, which was mere lip service (pardon the pun) and definitely not amazing. Worse, when she smelled Jay lighting up at the table across from the bed, she got up immediately and asked to join him. Then she got dressed and out of there.

This photo is the best thing that came out of that night. This is my $1000 photo:

It was a disappointing experience from beginning to end. Negotiating rates up front is a buzz kill. I wish I was informed about these details on the phone, before the woman was in my room. For the moment to work for me, I need to take care of business with her agent, then keep the business side of it to a minimum when we’re together. You know, the “leave the money on the nightstand” approach.

In the end, I felt taken advantage of. I felt angry at myself for not demanding what my money was worth, or at least what she initially said she would do for us. Ultimately, I knew this sexual encounter would not be as exciting for me as one that is created out of genuine attraction. I learned that hiring a sex worker is just like hiring any professional. Some are excellent at what they do, some need to be followed up, and others need to be micromanaged to get what I want. The first kind makes work a pleasure, it makes money no object at all. In the case of sex work, the latter two turns what was supposed to be pleasure into work. I suspect that one can get better at hiring sex workers as one becomes more savvy. I’ve read about people who’ve built client-sex worker relationships that span years.

We haven’t had much more experience hiring sex workers after that. Jay and I have paid for lapdances, that was fun, but that’s not really sex. Does anyone else have some John-related experience to share? I’d love to hear them.