My Friend For Life, Gina

I went to an all-girls nun-run Catholic high school in the Philippines, very strict and narrow-minded. I was a good student but something as trivial as my asymmetric hairstyle got their nunnery panties in a bunch. What made high school life worth living was Gina. She and I connected on an artistic and literary level. She was a huge The Cure fan, so I drew her a portrait of Robert Smith. She wrote me a fantasy article for Town & Country magazine, in which I am a fabulous art curator and married to Johnny Depp. We talked endlessly about ideas for stories we wanted to write someday and we talked about sex. Sure, we had no experience whatsoever, but we were teenagers. Sex was an obsession.

In college she went to UP and I went to Ateneo. She partied hard with her sorority sisters. I got sucked into music and theatre. She invited me to an Upsilon event once. I felt out of place. Our paths divided for the time being.

She tracked me down in the mid-90s when I was in New York. I was performing Off and Off-Off-Broadway. She was a young single mom, making it as a writer and editor in Manila. She found out I made my own body products so she asked me to write an article for her fledgling magazine, Earthian. It was granola and green long before it was a thing. I accepted. It was my first published piece.

In the mid-2000s she discovered an obscure anonymous blog I was writing about my pregnancy and home birth. She asked if she could publish it on Working Mom magazine. How could I say no to celebrating my infant’s birth on the pages of a glossy magazine? Gina made me feel like a celebrity.

When she found out about my porn, she stayed on my side all the way. She defended me against attacks behind my back from people we went to high school with and if you knew her, you’d know she unleashed a fury on anyone who crossed her or her loved ones. I flew to San Diego to catch up with her when she visited in 2010. We were regulars at her pub, Fred’s Revolucion in Cubao X in 2012. A few years later, she and her family were guests in our old farmhouse in Maine. We shared stories, beer, and laughter indoors while our kids ages 11 and 12 built a bonfire in the backyard because that’s the kind of parents we were and that’s the kind of kickass kids we raised.

May and Gina at Fred's Revolucion

She roped me in to write for Agam, the book of photos by her husband, photojournalist Jose Enrique Soriano. As executive editor, she included me among 24 contributing writers – accomplished poets, journalists, anthropologists, scientists, and artists from the Philippines. I felt like the black sheep among those luminaries, but Gina was my champion. She believed in me when I didn’t believe in myself. She autographed my copy of the book: Will always be your friend, fan, and supporter – living vicariously through your groundbreaking work. Love you.

Tuesday night I got a message from her husband. Gina was in a coma in St. Luke’s ER. No one saw it coming. He asked for prayers. When an atheist asks an agnostic to pray for a Catholic, you know it’s serious. I prayed. I used all my mental energy to summon her back. “Come back, Gina,” I commented on a recent Facebook post in which she had tagged me. Come back, Gina, I thought constantly day and night. Come back to us. Thursday around 5 in the morning I woke up with a cramp in my chest. It pinched everytime I breathed. My heart literally hurt. I messaged her husband, “Tell me something, anything.”

She’s gone.

“She loved you and we were looking forward to visiting again.”

I had a difficult loud ugly cry by myself until Jay came out of his studio and held me and we cried together. I am so glad he got to know her. I’m glad I have somebody to grieve with and celebrate her life with.

Gina recently posted a fabulous profile picture across all her social media channels and even more fabulous photos of her and her kids at a kiki ball. Just last weekend her kids thanked her for giving them “a rich uncommon childhood.” She said she won the “lotto of life.” Her latest piece, my favorite yet, the crass and soulful Patricio, was published online on Esquire posthumously. I joked to Jay that it was a memorial-worthy social media presence, one to aspire to. He asked me not to die until my profile pictures got really old and ugly.

I got out a bottle of beer from the fridge, spilled some in her honor, and drank to my friend. Gina had a sharp wit and a fiery nature. She was a fierce mother and a fierce friend. She burned brilliantly, my friend for life. Gina burned fast, but she burned exceptionally bright.

Love, Lust, & Liberty,
May Ling Su

Share this post:

Share on facebook
Facebook
Share on twitter
Twitter
Share on pinterest
Pinterest

11 Responses

  1. I am very sorry to hear this news. May she Rest in Peace. May God bless her family and comfort them and also provide you with comfort and care as you mourn the loss of your dear friend.

  2. Sorry for your loss, its allways hard at first for thoes dear to your heart. That special friend or loved one…. or pet. May God bless her and help with your loss. remember everyone grieves differently, take the time you need.

  3. Wow! I didn’t see this coming as I read your post and tribute to your long-time friend. What a cute pic of you both. I guess I got caught up in the common mindset that when you’re young, death can’t come, it’s far, far away… What a lie that is…

    My heartfelt condolences and prayers to you and all those grieving Gina’s loss. May the God you don’t believe in still somehow bring comfort to your lives during this hard time. May the fond memories your have, also be a source of comfort to you…

  4. Grateful to stumble across your blog and this moving post through Gina’s old blogspot. Surely I’m not alone in re-reading everydamnthing she ever published online.

    I only met her a few years ago, as neighbour/merchants in Escolta. She was an instant girl crush! Those of us who stuck around grew into a family, and as I’m sure you can guess – Gina became a big sister to all. 2 years is far too short, and I find myself looking for every trace this wondrous woman left behind.

    Derek & her family are hosting an un-wake at Fred’s later – it’s themed drag disco cabaret. Syempre, diba! Looking forward to crying & laughing over more stories about her there. If you want, I’d be happy to raise a glass on your behalf!

  5. Hi, May. I just read this blog entry now after reading your article in Esquire. I had no idea that it was “Gina Abuyuan” you we’re talking about until I googled how she looked like to confirm if she was the one in the photo you posted. I felt really compelled writing a comment. I worked with her in 2018 for our company’s annual report but sadly didn’t get to meet her in person due to busy schedules. She wrote Pres. Duterte’s message as well as the messages for our Chairman and PCEO as part of the publication. She was super cool and easy to work with. Very professional. It was such an honor working with The Gina Abuyuan. Thanks for sharing your literary works. I enjoyed reading your blog.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

My Books

Book 1 of the Lilith Series
Book 2 of the Lilith Series
Lilith: Beyond the Deluge by May Ling Su
Book 3 of the Lilith Series
Kindle, Paperback, Audiobook
See where it all began.
XXX Blog archives
130+ movies
100+ photo galleries
Adults 18+yo only

Recent Posts

May Ling Su birthday nude 2023

It’s my birthday.

Outside the rain beat a percussive song upon the roof, windows, and gutters of our farmhouse. It filled my head with melodies and I hummed along. I am in love with life and nature. How can I fall deeper in love with life?

More »
May Ling Su Water Rabbit

Love & Sex in the Chinese Year of the Water Rabbit

Happy Year of the Water Rabbit! Aligned with the Moon Goddess, Rabbit pounds the elixir of immortality with a mortar and pestle, symbolizing hope, peace, and longevity. Do you know which animal zodiac sign you are? Then let me give you my Love & Sex Predictions for the coming Year of the Water Rabbit.

More »
Lilith: Beyond the Deluge

Lilith: Beyond the Deluge

“Make love to me right now, dear Lilith. Let nothing, not distance or heaven’s wrath, come between us.” Come along with Lilith through the opulence of Inanna’s temple to the secrets of Noah’s ark, fucking demons and mortals along the way.

More »
May Ling Su birthday nude

Rainy Birthday Nudes

I had a rainy birthday, so Jay suggested that we recreate our very first photo shoot, Rainy Day Girl. He let me borrow his 100+ year old coat tails, handed me a frog umbrella, and followed me around our backyard with a camera.

More »