I got my IUD removed. 🍑⚡️ It was a quick process and done before I knew it. Since it had been a year since my last period I figured that my ovulating days are probably over.
Doc said I have a nice pink cervix, healthy inner muscles, from getting regularly fucked and cum into. I still have strong orgasms that suck up every last drop of semen I get.
Which apparently is the best way to get natural hormone therapy. Let’s break it down:
Average volume of semen per ejaculation: 1.5 to 5 mL
Average amount of estrogen per 5 mL ejaculation: 2-3 mg
Average amount of progesterone per 5 mL ejaculation: 50-70 mg
Compared to Hormone Replacement Therapy meds, that’s a lot more bang for my buck and a hell of a lot more fun.
So let’s keep getting it, my Golden Girls! Let your body bloom well into those senior years. Keep nurturing your sexual relationships. Stay healthy and stay sexy.
I had an amazing time with journalist Ana P. Santos on her podcast titled Middle Me: Stories about Sex and Pleasure After 40. We talked about this rollercoaster ride I’m on from the moment I discovered my sexuality through decades of exploration in sex and relationships as a polyamorous pornographer.
Of course we talk about sex. We talk about porn. We talk about relationships. But also, we talk about family. And we talk about aging and body image. Have a listen.
Our interview is spread out over two episodes:
I also love that one of my longtime MAYCAM members, who happens to be a physician, reacted to this quote from the podcast:
“Physiologically, the reason you’re still ‘wet’ and not having issues with dryness nor menopausal symptoms is actually due to the ‘use it or lose it’ scenario. Believe it or not, i) the more skin-to-skin intercourse you have while going through menopause causes hypertrophy and healing to prevent vaginal wall atrophy (meaning if you were less sexually active, your vagina would start to atrophy); ii) high semen exposure inside the vagina stimulates high concentrations of estrogen, progesterone, and other important hormones to women. The vaginal wall and uterus absorbs estrogen 10x more effectively than if estrogen is given orally or even intravenously. Your ongoing sexual activity with vaginal creampies was doing the equivalent of prometrium (hormone replacement therapy directly to the vagina).”
So let’s get it, my Golden Girls! We owe it to ourselves and our lovers to let our sexual experience and emotional maturity bloom well into our senior years. We are not too old to have sex. It is natural and healthy to have mind blowing sex after menopause.
Cheers! 🍷
P.S. I made you a playlist for tonight. Gaze at the total lunar eclipse super flower moon while listening to these moon tunes on Spotify. 🌸
After “Is there life on Mars?” Gen-X women are asking google about sex. I answered some of them, but before you proceed, I want to remind you that I am not a doctor, sex therapist, or sex educator. My answers are based on my own personal experience of fucking a lot and fucking up a lot. Read on at your own risk.
How much sex should a 40-year-old woman have?
Throw “should’s” out of the window. Have as much or as little sex as you want. This includes self-pleasure.
How does your sex drive change at 40?
Every body is different. For me I became hyper-sexual, like I felt like I had to use it or lose it, like I was going to run out of sex appeal and I had to get as much sex as I could while I still could for fear of missing out. My husband and I were also going through a crisis in which we had to unpack all the emotional and sexual baggage that accumulated from 25 years of non-monogamous marriage while making more mistakes as we went along. (To cut a long story short, it was crazy and painful.) I am now approaching my 50s with temperance, and yes, still sexually active, but hopefully more sane about it.
Any cures for vaginal dryness? What is a good lubricant?
Most people would recommend lube, but I have a different take on this. I think it’s fine once in a while, but not habitually, not regularly, certainly not daily. Hear me out. Our bodies, if we are healthy and hydrated, should create as much moisture as we need. Using lube habitually may throw off our balance and trick our bodies into slowing down natural lubrication because our bodies think we are already wet enough. This also applies to moisturizers, lotions, and nutritional supplements. My suggestion to keep your vag (and the rest of your body) moist is to hydrate, hydrate, hydrate. Drink lots of water. Use old fashioned spit, your partner’s and yours, during foreplay. Between spit and your own pussy juice, you should be good to go. If your body is not quite there yet and you’re desperate for a good time, go for your kitchen (food-grade) coconut oil. Transfer a little bit of it to a different container, obviously, and take that to the bedroom with you. Food-grade because it’s better quality than the body product version of coconut oil. (The FDA does not regulate cosmetics and body products, including lube. That’s why I regard it with skepticism.) Good luck.
Can you still orgasm after menopause?
Yes, yes, yes!
Am I too old to try ___?
Today you’re younger than you’re ever going to be.
– Regina Spektor
Why can’t I get in the mood?
What’s really on your mind? Stress from work-related or relationship issues can be a dampener on fun and pleasure. Deal with those issues that are weighing heavily on your mind by talking it out or writing down an action plan. Often this is enough to allow yourself to relax and enjoy intimate moments.
Why do I get a bladder infection every time I have sex?
Bumping privates 🤣 can bring microscopic particles, microorganisms, and semen into our urethras which could cause infection. You need to pee after sex. Non-negotiable. No matter how sleepy you are, hoist yourself out of bed and go to the toilet.
How to increase your libido.
What makes you think that you need to increase your libido? Every body is different. Don’t judge your sexual needs against other people’s. Focus on connecting with your partner, not on how high or low your libido is.
My partner wants to have more sex than I do.
Have you considered opening up your relationship? Letting your partner hook up with someone else is just another way you can express love. Explore the concept of non-monogamy, figure out where your boundaries are, and communicate clearly with each other.
How to have sex when you’re tired.
Don’t. You need to rest when you’re tired. Do it when you have energy.
Everything in this photo is over 40. See the rest of this set at maycam.com
First Hump Day of 2021. How is your work week so far? I am starting the year with a daily yoga practice. So far so good, 6 out of 6 days in.
I’ve done yoga off and on for years but haven’t connected to it until now. During the latter part of the past year I rediscovered it, paying special attention to the first chakra.
All summer I ran around barefoot in the backyard imagining roots growing out of my feet and digging deep into the ground, absorbing the nutrients of the soil, nourishing me from toes to the crown of my head. I repeated a mantra, “I belong here.”
As an immigrant, someone who has moved around a bit, I can be rootless, sometimes escapist. At best my escapism fuels creativity. At worst I may be avoidant and non-confrontational of problems or difficulties in life. Whenever Jay and I fought, and we did fiercely, my instincts were to fight or flight.
I started doing yoga when it got too cold. My appreciation, adoration, and reverence for the first chakra deepened. I am learning to ground myself in the strength of my butt hole before reaching to the heavens.
Give your ass some love and everything else will align, stacked neatly on top of it.
Not gonna lie, I struggled with this year’s Birthday Nude. The entire process was discomforting. I found myself being hypercritical of my aging body. I booted up my images in Lightroom and moved the texture slider all the way to the left to smooth out my spongy middle. I sent the images to Photoshop and cloned my wrinkles and belly folds away. Then in a fit of frustration I closed them all up unsaved.
For the Birthday Nude series to stay relevant in the years to come I’m going to have to post these photos unedited as I always have or I won’t do them at all.
If I continue, I will have to confront my naked self, not just my aging body. My emotional reactions reveal so much of who I am. Posting it publicly adds another layer of confrontation. I will have to ask myself the hard questions. How do I feel? Why do I feel this way? Do I feel shame? What am I ashamed of?
I have come to an age when I am proud of who I am and where I’m at in life. That doesn’t mean I look at my body with rose-colored glasses. As someone who has spent decades creating media with my body, I can look at images of myself with objectivity.
In these photos I wear nothing but make-up. I have not given in to temptations of botox or cosmetic surgery. Yet. Maybe never. I don’t know. No judgement on those who do. I haven’t dyed my hair since four months ago and I’m liking the streak of gray growing out of the right side of my hairline.
I enjoyed celebrating my birthday this year. I feel like I’ve been celebrating for weeks now, random presents, time spent with people I adore.
I look at my healthy, beautiful, smart, and talented daughter and feel successful as a mother. Mothering my child has been top priority for the past fifteen years. Everyone and everything else took the back seat. It’s worth it. I invested my time and energy wisely. Now I’m opening myself up to mothering more of the world.
My co-parent, business partner, artistic collaborator, lover, my Man. How I love my Man. We’ve been through so much, good times and nightmarish ones. For so long I’ve taken him for granted, thinking he doesn’t need my mothering because he’s eight years older than me, bolder than me, everything more than me. I was wrong. We’re holding on for dear life and rediscovering who we are to each other at each stage of the game.
College boy somehow slipped in as one of my favorite people on this planet. We’ve known each other for years and he knows most sides of my compartmentalized life. During those moments when my Man was too emotionally involved in the situation to be my friend, my boy took me in his arms and told me he’s got me. I take care of him, too.
And you… I appreciate you. Thank you for coming along on my journey.
May Ling Su birthday nude in the barn hayloft, sitting on a vintage World War II army cot.
This year marks my 20th birthday nude. We shot at home. The photo above was taken in the barn hayloft, an amazing play space when it’s warm enough. It’s a reminder to seize the moment. Winter is coming. Life goes by way too fast. My time is limited. Soon we will have to leave our 169-year-old haunted farmhouse that we’ve made even more haunted with vintage treasures. I’m a little sad to go, but excited to begin once more.
The photo above was taken in the backyard, lush with wildflowers and this abundant hydrangea bush. It’s a sanctuary for birds, bees, and butterflies. Snakes and mice. Chipmunks and squirrels. The best approach to mothering nature is to let it be wild (also applies to mothering humans).
This past year I’ve been spending a lot of time in nature, hiking up mountains and swimming in lakes. This summer I participated in a podcast with Agam, for which they paid me by planting four trees in my name. I intend to plant more trees every year for the rest of my life as part of my legacy.
