Not gonna lie, I struggled with this year’s Birthday Nude. The entire process was discomforting. I found myself being hypercritical of my aging body. I booted up my images in Lightroom and moved the texture slider all the way to the left to smooth out my spongy middle. I sent the images to Photoshop and cloned my wrinkles and belly folds away. Then in a fit of frustration I closed them all up unsaved.
For the Birthday Nude series to stay relevant in the years to come I’m going to have to post these photos unedited as I always have or I won’t do them at all.
If I continue, I will have to confront my naked self, not just my aging body. My emotional reactions reveal so much of who I am. Posting it publicly adds another layer of confrontation. I will have to ask myself the hard questions. How do I feel? Why do I feel this way? Do I feel shame? What am I ashamed of?
I have come to an age when I am proud of who I am and where I’m at in life. That doesn’t mean I look at my body with rose-colored glasses. As someone who has spent decades creating media with my body, I can look at images of myself with objectivity.
In these photos I wear nothing but make-up. I have not given in to temptations of botox or cosmetic surgery. Yet. Maybe never. I don’t know. No judgement on those who do. I haven’t dyed my hair since four months ago and I’m liking the streak of gray growing out of the right side of my hairline.
I enjoyed celebrating my birthday this year. I feel like I’ve been celebrating for weeks now, random presents, time spent with people I adore.
I look at my healthy, beautiful, smart, and talented daughter and feel successful as a mother. Mothering my child has been top priority for the past fifteen years. Everyone and everything else took the back seat. It’s worth it. I invested my time and energy wisely. Now I’m opening myself up to mothering more of the world.
My co-parent, business partner, artistic collaborator, lover, my Man. How I love my Man. We’ve been through so much, good times and nightmarish ones. For so long I’ve taken him for granted, thinking he doesn’t need my mothering because he’s eight years older than me, bolder than me, everything more than me. I was wrong. We’re holding on for dear life and rediscovering who we are to each other at each stage of the game.
College boy somehow slipped in as one of my favorite people on this planet. We’ve known each other for years and he knows most sides of my compartmentalized life. During those moments when my Man was too emotionally involved in the situation to be my friend, my boy took me in his arms and told me he’s got me. I take care of him, too.
And you… I appreciate you. Thank you for coming along on my journey.
May Ling Su birthday nude in the barn hayloft, sitting on a vintage World War II army cot.
This year marks my 20th birthday nude. We shot at home. The photo above was taken in the barn hayloft, an amazing play space when it’s warm enough. It’s a reminder to seize the moment. Winter is coming. Life goes by way too fast. My time is limited. Soon we will have to leave our 169-year-old haunted farmhouse that we’ve made even more haunted with vintage treasures. I’m a little sad to go, but excited to begin once more.
The photo above was taken in the backyard, lush with wildflowers and this abundant hydrangea bush. It’s a sanctuary for birds, bees, and butterflies. Snakes and mice. Chipmunks and squirrels. The best approach to mothering nature is to let it be wild (also applies to mothering humans).
This past year I’ve been spending a lot of time in nature, hiking up mountains and swimming in lakes. This summer I participated in a podcast with Agam, for which they paid me by planting four trees in my name. I intend to plant more trees every year for the rest of my life as part of my legacy.
I’m posting this email because it is the most articulate of many along the same vein of the classic one-liner “Hey.” This one really nails the motivation behind unsolicited dick pics:
Hello May Ling,
I hope you are well. I know it sounds a unrealistic to imagine that I would actually receive a reply from you but at least there is spark of hope if I write you again. I wrote you a couple of weeks ago and you were kind enough to send me links to your website and some adult content, but I am really just interested in you as a person. I am not suggesting that we meet in person or exchange photos or any type of webcam interaction but just an exchange of ideas and a little more insight into your fascinating mind.
Thanks, Ray
The truth is you don’t really want an insight into my mind. If you did, you would be a MAYCAM member. You would have bought and read my books. You would be subscribed to my blog and following me on social media.
What you want is my attention. My time devoted to only you. A virtual mind space where we can be alone together.
I get it. You don’t want to be just another “like” in the social media crowd, just another subscriber, just another passive reader. You want me to respond to you. You want to be visible. You want me to validate your existence as a unique and special individual.
So you send me email and private messages.
You don’t realize that you are being selfish. You want me to spend time on you, but you’re not willing to pay.
It took me years to figure it out. I was treating myself like just another internet marketer peddling adult content in a saturated market and competing against younger, more beautiful, smarter women for your attention. I was paying it forward, giving away porn and passwords. I wore myself out trying to answer “Thanks for accepting my friend request. What do you like about me?” until it hit me:
Hey, Ding Dong. I don’t want anything you have to sell. I just want your soul!
Holy shit!
My time and attention is a limited supply. The demand for it easily exceeds what I have to go around. By the laws of supply and demand alone, my time and attention is worth more than yours. I can’t just give it away to anyone who sends me an email or private message. Special mention to the dude who sent me a long rambling talking head video then called me rude when my response was short.
If you want my attention, earn it.
Become a MAYCAM Member. It’s my personal diary, in which I share the ups and downs of every cock and pussy I’ve had the pleasure to meet, my innermost thoughts, my naughtiest secrets. MAYCAM Members get my attention because they take care of me, support me, invest in me. All the cherry blossoms go to my MAYCAM Members.
And then some more cherry blossoms for you if you…
Buy my books. Review them on Amazon or GoodReads or your own social media channel. You have no idea how much that means to me.
Buy something from my Wishlist or send me an Amazon gift card. I may surprise you back.
Sign up for my May Ling List. Comment on my blog entries on the blog. Follow me on social media. Like, share, retweet, and comment on my posts. Public displays of your affection for me contribute to the furtherance of my brand. I see you. I appreciate it.
Until then, my time and attention belong to the people who recognize its value enough to bring me value in return. Many have been doing it for years. Get in line.
Happy birthday, World Wide Web! I still remember the sound my dial up modem made, the raspy cry of a newborn baby web. Little did I know that soon after, a baby web whore would be born: ME!
🍾 Here’s to my first photo shoot, Rainy Girl in NYC, which was shot in film, scanned to digital, then UUencoded and posted on the usenet newsgroups in 1996.
🥂 Here’s to my first digital camera and nude photos posted on my AOL home page under the screen name MrsWiggles, shut down for nudity and racy content in 1997.
🍹 Here’s to moving to California and starting a tripod site called clix.to/lolita, shut down for XXX hardcore content in 1998.
🍸 Here’s to my first webcam and webcasting on iFriends as MAYCAM in 1999.
🥃 Here’s to creating my first members only pages through the Adult Check password system and hosted on the iFriends server free for video chat hosts in 2000.
🍺 So here’s to you, World Wide Web. Look at you, wireless, mobile, social, deep, and dark. How you’ve grown! You’ve changed the world as we know it, for better in some ways, for worse in others. You’ve shaped the way I live and love, make a living and make love. You’ve made me your whore. A toast to the World Wide Web! Cheers! 🍻
Most respectable, kind, decent people want to occasionally break out of their goody two shoes and be bad. We all have our guilty pleasures. Naughty lingerie under prim and proper office clothes, a basement dungeon within a house with a white picket fence, a secret porn site… what’s yours? What makes you feel like a baddie?
We explore a forbidden fantasy in my new movie, N-Truder, now showing at MAYCAM.
This Valentine’s Day, I wish you someone you can share the best of you with, who lets you act out your worst, and who accepts you for the disgusting pig that you are. 😘
Happy New Year! 2019 is the Chinese Year of the Pig. Do you know which of the 12 zodiac animals you belong to? Check the wheel below for the animal that corresponds to your birth year. It gets tricky if you were born on the month of January. Since the Chinese go by the Lunar Calendar, the earlier part of January goes under the previous year’s sign. If you were born during the latter half of January, here’s a Chinese Animal Zodiac Sign Calculator to find out exactly what your sign is.
In the spirit of fun and festivities, let me give you my Love & Sex predictions for each Chinese Zodiac sign. In general, the Year of the Earth Pig promises to be a year of social interactions. Keep reading to find out what that means for your love and sex life.
You are magnetic this year. Potential fuck partners will be crawling out of the woodwork to get with you. Always keep yourself clean and groomed so you’re ready for action anytime anywhere. Flings, one-night stands, casual hookups, and yes, even the chance of love abound. Be clear about what you want, because you’ll have plenty of options.
Most compatible signs: Ox is that strong sexy complement to your personality. Dragon and you have a lot in common. Monkey makes you so giddy happy.
Least compatible: Don’t hitch your wagon on Horse. Nothing you do will ever be good enough. Goat just wants your money. Rabbit can’t help but do the opposite of what you want. Beware!
If you are already in a relationship, it will deepen and become stronger this year. If you are single, you are likely to find a fuck buddy. Either way, communication is key. Don’t be so stubborn. Take turns listening and speaking. Giving and receiving head. You may find yourself alone by year’s end. Fine, if that’s what you want. If not, remember that communication is a two-way street.
Most compatible signs: Rat balances your rigid personality. Snake is romantic and supportive of your work. Rooster will love you with loyalty.
Least compatible: You will clash with Goat. Horse has too much of a free spirit to take you seriously. You have nothing in common with Dog. Don’t waste your time.
If you are already in a solid relationship, you are getting in deeper with your lover this year. If you are still looking, hang back and enjoy friends with benefits. Strengthen your friendships and the benefits. Get to know each other more. Uncover hidden kinks and see if they fit. Don’t try to force a relationship too soon.
Most compatible signs: Pig may be your opposite but you can really be yourselves with each other. Horse is irresistible to you. Dog brings out your gentle side.
Least compatible: Monkey and you will always argue. A relationship with Snake will be full of suspicions and coldness. Stay away.
This year will be a challenge for you. If you are already in a relationship, you need to work on your communication. If you are single, you will meet plenty of people but not The One. If only you could mix and match parts of them to make up the ideal partner. Polyamory is a good solution. You can increase your luck in attracting mates by already having an awesome mate by your side. Triple luck points by letting men give you a pearl necklace.
Most compatible: Dog will be happy to live a peaceful life with you. Pig and you have a lot in common. Goat needs you and you love taking care of that horny Goat.
Least compatible: Rooster and you will argue about the littlest things. Dragon and you may seem like you have a lot in common but alas, you two clash. Rat is tricky, too, because it will take time before differences between you will appear and by then, it will be impossible to agree on anything.
Year of the Pig is a “Peach Blossom” Year for Dragons searching for The One. You will be lucky in love and excitement. You will have your pick from an abundance of Dragon-loving prospects. Know which of your prospects is for long-term and which ones are only casual flings. Don’t get it twisted. Be clear with your communication. Let that fire ignite your loins; don’t let it get in your head. Green rectangular jewelry increases your luck in love. Black accessories makes your sexual power more irresistible.
Most compatible: Rooster worships you and will do anything for you. Monkey and you are a creative explosion together, just watch out for Monkey’s tricks. Rat’s humor and reliability attracts your stubborn nature.
Least compatible: You and Dog can’t understand or trust each other. Rabbit and you have similarities, but you can only tolerate each other to a certain point. You also clash with other Dragons. There can only be one!
Don’t expect a whirlwind romance this year. You will be underwhelmed at best. There! Take a deep sigh of relief. You can now be completely honest in your interactions, since you’ve got nothing to lose and everything to gain. Learn what you can from your experiences, your desires, your preferences. Your mind and your hands will be your best lover this year. Get yourself some sex toys and explore!
Most compatible: Monkey and you have similarities. You admire Rooster’s good taste and ability to avoid getting eaten up by you. Ox grounds you and is a reliable anchor.
Least compatible: Tiger is too suspicious and cold. Pig will tolerate you, but can’t trust you. I mean, you’re a Snake! And admittedly, Pig is good eatin’!
Excitement, passion, good times! This is what’s in store for you this year. Make your move when someone catches your eye. If you are in a relationship, level up by exposing a secret sexual curiosity you’ve always wanted to try. It’s time for a new adventure!
Most compatible: Goat’s tenderness will make you feel content. Tiger will try hard to win you. Dog will be your loyal partner.
Least compatible: Rat will clash with you. Save yourselves the pain. Ox will be difficult to communicate with. Other Horses are great to work with but too similar to be compatible in love.
The first half of the year will be a romantic time for you. Bank on unforgettable memories with your love because, darling, your moodiness during the second part of the year can wear down even the most patient of lovers. Give your love thoughtful gifts that inspire some make up sex and all will be smoothed over.
Most compatible: Horse makes up for your shortcomings, and vice versa. Rabbit is dependable. Pig is warm and gentle.
Least compatible: Ox and you can be so stubborn and uncompromising. Rat and you easily misunderstand each other. Dog and you have very few things in common.
This is the year you will fall in love. The partners most likely to be worth your affection are already in your social circle. Keep your eyes open for clues. If you are already in a relationship, reignite your passion with some dirty talk. Let those sweet and nasty words inspire some naughty action.
Most compatible: Snake is either your hottest lover or your coldest foe. Rat cheers you up like no other. Dragon inspires you.
Least compatible: Tiger will fight you constantly. Pig doesn’t have the same interests and life goals as you.
Love at first sight will happen for you this year. Don’t bury your head in work and risk missing out. Show off your best talents and physical features to attract what you want. If you are in a relationship, watch that temper and avoid petty squabbles. Once you’re locked into a hot fuck fest you’ll realize how none of that mattered in the first place.
Most compatible: Dragon’s accomplishments make you proud and you love to boost from behind. Snake gets you, your life and dreams. Ox is honest and a steady partner.
Least compatible: Rabbit has contrasting opinions that clash with yours. Dog and you can tolerate each other but it’s always tense. Who wants to live with all that tension? Other Roosters fight with you often and can’t compromise. Don’t get caught in a constant cockfight.
Go out and sniff around for what you want. You will be impressed by what you find. Look and smell your best at all times. Your most favorable love interests are already in your social circles. Express how you feel toward them. If you are already in a relationship, now is the time to take things where you want it to go. Fortune favors the bold.
Most compatible: Rabbit is kind and supportive. Tiger is reassuring and needs your loyalty. Horse understands and respects you.
Least compatible: Dragon and you are distrustful of one another. You will have intense arguments with each other. Ox and you have dissimilar interests. Goat and you tolerate each other, but that’s it.
I’m sorry, Piggy, this year may be your year, but true love will prove to be elusive for you. Not to say that this year won’t be fun, though. There will be many exciting moments without the relationship drama if you focus on making connections and friends with benefits. Extend your network. Don’t jump into a relationship prematurely. If you are already in a relationship, communication is key to keeping it. Actively listen and express your feelings. Don’t let resentment build up.
Most compatible: Tiger is brave and makes you feel secure. Rabbit wants to snuggle up and bask in your intelligence. You have a lot of common interests with Goat.
Least compatible: Snake will eat you alive. A relationship with Monkey will be full of tension.
Was my prediction for your zodiac sign helpful? Let me know in the comments what your sign is and what your love & sex game plan is going to be on this Year of the Earth Pig. Blessings to you for the New Year! Good luck! Don’t fuck it up. 💋
“Your mouth is worth more than all the diamonds in Africa,” you answered.
“What is my ass worth?” I asked.
“Your ass is worth more than all the pearls in the oceans,” you answered.
“What is my cunt worth?” I asked.
“Your cunt is worth more than all the oil wells in the Arab deserts,” you answered.
I was humbled by your replies. “You have turned this common whore into a Queen. I will kneel at your feet and serve your cock with my mouth. I will bow my back and serve your cock with my ass. I will spread my legs and serve your cock with my cunt. You will be my King.”
My daddy forbade me to get naked for a college play. He didn’t realize it was not his call to make. I was eighteen. I could make my own decisions about my body.
I had just finished a run of my first professional theatre gig. “By George!” was a musical revue of George Gershwin starring Dulce and directed by Behn Cervantes. I was a wispy little chorus girl, but I had a solo part after Michelle Gallaga in the song, “I Got Rhythm.” It was a showstopper!
Throughout the run and for weeks after it, I hung out with Dulaang UP kids. Even though I went to Ateneo, I auditioned for a part in the play “Fili,” adapted by Floy Quintos from Jose Rizal’s “El Filibusterismo.” Director Tony Mabesa must have been amused by my novelty because he cast me in a big part, the role of Kontessa, the Kapitan-Heneral’s whore.
Sisa was Eugene Domingo, who had briefly changed her name to Geena Domingo to assume a more dramatic persona. She was a student then, not the big comedy star she is now. Dolly de Leon, who later in life got a plum part in the international movie Triangle of Sadness, was her alternate for the role. But this was long before they became superstars. Back then, the big star of the show was film director Mario O’Hara as the protagonist Simoun.
Rehearsals were exciting. I was getting a master class in theatre performance from the best in the Philippines. I tried my best to keep up when we read through the entire script. I was in one big scene with chunky monologues and several lines back and forth with the Kapitan-Heneral. I was off-book and ready when it was time to get the scene up on its feet.
Sir Tony had me enter with a lit candelabra in each hand. I recited my lines, projected my voice as big as I could make it. My scene partner, the Kapitan-Heneral, was played by a flamboyant opera singer. I couldn’t let my voice drown alongside his. At center stage I was directed to hand the candelabras to the Kapitan-Heneral, kneel in front of him with my back to the audience, and undress.
Undress?
Sir Tony was serious. I would be getting naked onstage.
My heart raced. My face heated up. I felt small. Literally. I had no tits. I was very self-conscious about it. We weren’t even onstage at the time. We were in a rehearsal room with unforgiving flat fluorescent lighting. I sheepishly removed my street clothes and returned to my spot center stage. The Kapitan-Heneral looked down at me. He was enormous.
“Drip wax on her,” Sir Tony directed from behind a desk. The stage manager sat next to him coldly taking notes on her script.
I continued my lines, gasping every time hot wax hit my bare skin. I felt all eyes on me. Cast and crew held their collective breath as a virgin had her first taste of Dominance and submission. Public humiliation. I didn’t know any of them and none of them knew me. I was an outsider. Just a doe-eyed girl from Ateneo who thought she could run with the cool kids at UP. I felt so alone.
As the scene drew to a climactic end, Sir Tony said, “This is where you have an orgasm.”
“What’s an orgasm?” I asked.
Sir Tony laughed a big booming laugh that echoed throughout the rehearsal hall and in the back of my head for years to come.
“You poor girl.”
Sir Tony took out a cigarette and stood up. The stage manager called a break.
We worked the scene in the succeeding rehearsals. I grew in confidence each time we ran it. I was determined to conquer this role. Eventually, though, Sir Tony decided to get someone else to play Kontessa, a woman named Grace, who rumor had it was a Muslim princess. She was a grown woman with full breasts and dark hair down to her ankles. She fit the part more than I did. She knew how to have an orgasm.
I’m trying to imagine my 18-year-old self as the Kontessa. Not yet five feet tall, a tit-less waif. I would have been the child prostitute version, which is not without a visceral power of its own.
I was demoted to the part of a common whore. I wore a blonde wig and a big poofy dress. I had a couple of lines and got to kiss Sir Mario O’Hara at the beginning of the play.
I got asked out on dates a lot during the run of the play. Maybe I was fresh meat from Ateneo. Maybe it was the challenge of giving me my first orgasm. Maybe that very first wax dripping scene rehearsal played in their imaginations more often than they could bear it. More than my naked body on display, I like to think it was my innocence, vulnerability, and courage that captivated them that day.
This is an excerpt from the memoir I am currently writing. I am so proud that I got to work with Sir Tony Mabesa, who recently won the MMFF award for Best Supporting Actor in the movie Rainbow’s Sunset.
Puki was attempting to jump to the windowsill. She was there for a long time yesterday, watching who knows what outside. Squirrels? Whatever birds were left around? Or the remaining leaves still shivering on the branches.
I held my little Puki close this morning and whispered to her, “Today I will take you to a place where there are many other cats and kittens for you to play with. Sometimes it’s going to be fun and sometimes it won’t be. Sometimes it will feel absolutely horrible. I don’t know if they’ll put you in a room with other kittens or put you alone in one of those cramped little lockers. They likely will take you to the vet and get you your shots and get your ovaries and uterus removed. It will feel weird, even painful, but hang in there, wild thing. I will miss you. I will miss having a little wild animal in my life. You were born here, under our couch. I remember fearing that you were dead because you weren’t moving. I touched you within the first hours of your birth and you heaved a big sigh and I knew you were alive. Now look at you. A little wild thing to remind me of what wildness is like.”
I want to nurture that wild creature within me. I love it. I love that wild side. I would never want to tame it.
“I will miss you, wild thing. My little Puki. Your scaredy cat Mama. I wish you both the best. This is why I’m giving you up before Christmas. There are so many people who want to take kitties home for Christmas. Let it be you. I hope you get a good family to adopt you and you get to explore another exciting home, a forever home. And when you’re done exploring and things get a little boring and all you do is sit by the window looking out at the snow, maybe you’ll think back to our crazy haunted home where you were born, the magical place where you and your Mama were together. I hope there are stairs in your coming home. You were so intimidated at first but later you raced up and down and tripped us up constantly. May you have many Christmas trees to attack and shoes to shove your face in.”
“Will you remember me? Remember us snuggled under lots of thick blankets? Will you remember that I will love you always? I give you a piece of my heart. Keep it. Take it for a walk or a run sometimes. Let it dance around your head when you’re feeling sleepy. I want you to never once think nobody loves you. I love you. When you’re at the vet and surrounded by nurses and people who don’t know what a kung fu kitty you are, that you know how to give secret handshakes, that you get up on your hind legs like a lemur, remember that I love you and that we share that secret, your secret identity: Kung fu kitty.”
Jay packed the Mama cat into the carrier. She fought him hard and cut him many places in his arms. He never liked it that we kept going to the shelter even though we couldn’t adopt. He didn’t want to fall in love and not be able to take the cat home and keep it forever. I don’t mind. I have no time to protect my heart from love. I don’t mind breaking my heart. We were born on this earth to break our hearts over and over until we die. That is our purpose.
Have you broken your heart? If you haven’t broken your heart, then you haven’t lived. What are you waiting for? Wear your heart on your sleeve. Break it. Million tiny pieces. More. Don’t play safe. Be a fool. Love.
If you are here, you are part of a strange and loving community. I am grateful that you confide in me. This is a safe place. You are accepted just the way you are. Even if you’ve never commented, I want you to know that I count myself lucky to have you. You have saved me.
You may already know that last week, my dear friend died unexpectedly. Gina brought so much life to everyone she touched – always so present and generous. She wore herself out giving. She believed in me when I didn’t believe in myself. I can’t keep living and not give as much of myself as she believed I can. I will be the best version of myself I can be, but I will also forgive myself for not being perfect. I hope you’ll join me.
Take every opportunity to be kind and generous, even if it’s just a compliment, a smile, or a facebook “like.” Tell people you love them. Don’t take yourself too seriously. Laugh out loud. Play music. Dance. Make love. That includes making love to yourself. Yes, that’s love, too.
I’ve been working on Book 3 of the Lilith series for a long time, struggling with the Impostor Syndrome way longer than I should have. Lilith: Beyond the Deluge is now available on Amazon Kindle. I hope you enjoy it. I would truly appreciate it if you leave me a review.
Here’s to starting my blog, 
